Thursday, May 10, 2007

Spammers Part II

Kopi said I wasn’t spammed enough so I went and checked my old, abandoned email. Guess what? I had 371 mails and 227 bulk mails. Can you even have that many bulk mails? I thought they are automatically deleted from time to time. Anyway one of the mails I got didn’t seem like a spam. It was from a friend whom I’ve not contacted for a long time and it had no title. Hmm…Some reunion invitation? I opened it and instantly got a headache. Have fun deciphering it. This is only a portion by the way.

MDU1QEA/QEBAQEBAQEBAQEBA/8AAEQgBgAINAwEiAAIRAQMRAf/EAKcAAAIDAQEBAAAAAAAAAAAA AAMEAQIFAAYHAQEBAQEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQIDBBAAAgECBAMFBAYFCgQGAQUBAQIRAAMhMRIE QVEFYXGBIhORoTIUscHRQlIV4WKSIwbw8XKCotIzQ1MWssIkVOJjg5M0RHOj0+M1RVURAAICAAQH AQADAQACAwAAAAABEQIhURIDMUFhkVKSE4EiMmJx8KFCggT/2gAMAwEAAhEDEQA/APU/lO6/7+4f /Tt/ZVfya/M/PPI/8u39lak11X8r2RnSs7d2Zh6TuR/9+5/7dv7KC3S7/mnfP5Yn93byPHKtdj7q C5IAIziJ5ir+V7IaVnbuzLHTtybvp/OPBMEm3b5TyqLvS7twqjb1ypYr8CDECRkONOgsL78m9NgM wMdLAUd49ayx4kj+y0VMMq9kNPW3szHO1vJuRtU3tyWEybaRx7M8KaHTd8+J3rnTl5LZ9nlq9m2v zt1w5UaRjhqnU0nxinQ4LArAMGMfNz7qfleyGlZ29mIv0i/cYh99cLYE/u7Yz8K4dDvKZG+uD+on 2VppAAg4RlVqfleyGlZ27szD0jckaTv7kcvTt/ZUflW4Kx8+8f8A47c+2K02cKYoO2uC6C4+EEjE<>

I’ve got Amie, Shanna, Hajime Kindaichi, Luuk Yang, James Lau, Sujitra, even a basilar! What is that? A bacteria? So Caucasians, Japanese, Chinese, Indians and bacteria spammed me. Still no Nigerian so far. Oh and then there’s this person with no name. Absolutely no name. John Doe said:

Please reply to this email with the word "REMOVE" if you do not wish to be included in my email.

Yea sure, I’ll reply so you can spam me even more. Mr. Doe continued to spread his love by talking about….love.

Love is Patient St Paul places "love is patient" way ahead of all other virtues like kindness, compassion, courtesy, generosity…

*scrolled to the end*, there’s no fucking way I’d read it even if it were to please you readers

...Like the shaft of water hitting the turbines at Niagara making them move, love not striking back moves people toward God and toward one another.

He even included a poem. Aww…how sweet.

I do not want

The bravery of those

Who, gun in hand,

Rush forth to slay their foes.

Not hatred, greed,

Or glory of conquest,

Would I find rooted

In my human breast. <-- this is funny. If it weren’t for this, I wouldn’t have put it up. Your nipples is what you’ll find rooted in your breast.

But this, 0 God, I ask:

Please make me strong

To offer love to those

Who do me wrong.

Christopher Markert mailed me asking for my plans for Christmas. My, I still get his shit. It was something I signed up for when I was doing an assignment on the Bates method.

Okay enough of inbox. I shall now move to my bulk mails! Oh! I got a free lemon soda from Sodas! Oh my god. I even got a free laptop from Laptops! I’m so happy! Yay!

Hahaha! Jesus mailed me! Jesus Z. Franco. So that’s his last name?

Other bulk mails are boring. Still no Nigerian spam. Sigh.

5 comments:

joyfulchicken said...

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE PRESENT CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA READY FOR PAYMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR CLEMENT OKON

NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

Arthur Bhenedict said...

I review my spam mail, and it does seem to come from Africa most of the time hehe...

Arthur Bhenedict said...

Let me share my first one... made me an heir to some Engineer King (course, we're not likely to be related coz up til 40 years ago, we didn't even carry that last name.)

FROM BARRISTER BEN KOFA
BENNY WAXCO CHAMBERS
TEL NO 228-906-68-17
LOME-TOGO.

Dear Friend,

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as
a surprise and if it might offend you without your
prior consent and writing through this channel.

I am contacting you for the claim of my late client
fund that was deposited with the union togolaise bank.
I must solicit your confidence in this claim,this is
by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential
and top Secret.

Though I know that contact of this magnitude will make
any one apprehensive and worried,but I am assuring you
that all will be well since i know everything about my
late client fund. I have decided to contact you due to
the urgency of this matter.Let me start by introducing
myself properly to you.

I am BARRISTER BEN KOFA the Personal Attorney to late
Engr.J.A. King (Snr)an oil Merchant with the Federal
Government of lome-togo,until his death some years ago
in Kenya Air Bus (A310-300)Flight KQ430,Banked with
UNION BANK PLC,lome-togo and had a closing balance as
at the end of September, 2001 worth US$20,000,000.00(
twenty Million United States Dollars).The bank now
expects the Next of Kin to come forward as
Beneficiary.

Efforts have been made by the Union togolaise Bank of
lome-togo to get in touch with any of the Deceased
Family or Relatives,but they have met with no
success.As the deceased being a foreigner,that was why
i decided to contact you so that you can put claim on
this.

Now the management under the influence of the bank
Chairman and Members of the Board of directors,that
arrangement has been made for the fund to be declared
Unclaimed In order to avert this negative development,
it is my duty to contact you since your name was
listed as the next of kin to his properties.

All documents and proof to enable you get this fund
will be carefully worked out by me for this claim.I
have secured from the probate an order of Mandamus to
locate any of the deceased beneficiaries,and more so i
am assuring you that this claim is 100% risk free.

Now it is left for you deceide on what you will give
as my percentage for assisting you in this claim. I
hope to hear from you soon or call me immediately you
receive this mail on this phone no 228-906-68-17

Yours Sincerely,
BARRISTER BEN KOFA.
barrister_kofaben@hotmail.com

runawaycat said...

Is this some kind of con? What do they get from it anyway?

I get free laptops but you guys get 20+ million dollars. Exactly how unfair is that?

joyfulchicken said...

I think they'll eventually tell you to pay an advance fee to facilitate the transaction :-|