Monday, December 31, 2007

Random facts about Runawaycat

1. Runawaycat is not Politically Correct. She is just Correct. Always.

2. Runawaycat was once charged with attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Runawaycat does not "attempt" murder.

3. No matter what your mother always said, Runawaycat can tune a fish.

4. Runawaycat make onions Cry.

5. There is no Control button on Runawaycat's computer. Runawaycat is always in control.

6. Runawaycat visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

7. Runawaycat's dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Runawaycat will not take shit from anyone.

8. 182,000 Americans die from runawaycat-related accidents every year.

9. Runawaycat eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, she uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which she uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

10. Runawaycat does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Runawaycat's fists is inside her own body.

11. Runawaycat has to register every part of her body as a separate lethal weapon. Her spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

12. Runawaycat knows the last digit of pi.

13. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Runawaycat.

14. Runawaycat drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

15. Guns don't kill people. Runawaycat kills People.

16. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take runawaycat to kill you...Fourty seven times.

17. Runawaycat once participated in the running of the bulls. She walked.

18. When you say "no one's perfect", Runawaycat takes this as a personal insult.

19. Mr. T once defeated runawaycat in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, runawaycat invented racism.

20. Runawaycat qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

I got too excited and did 20 facts. Inspired by Karljam's (CY) post. Random fact generator.
Did you think I thought of all these myself? Hehehehe. Now I'm gonna try Neko-chan.

Random facts about Neko-chan

1. Neko-chan doesn't use pickup lines, she simply says, "Now."

2. Neko-chan will attain statehood in 2009. Her state flower will be the Magnolia.

3. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a woman, and vanquish evil from the land. That woman is not Neko-chan, because Neko-chan killed that woman.

4. When Neko-chan goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

5. 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Neko-chan as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

6. Neko-chan eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

7. Neko-chan is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time she tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

8. When Neko-chan looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Neko-chan and Neko-chan.

9. Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Neko-chan touches turns up dead.

10. Neko-chan CAN believe it's not butter.

11. Neko-chan sleeps with a night light. Not because Neko-chan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Neko-chan.

12. Google won't search for Neko-chan because it knows you don't find Neko-chan, she finds you.

13. Neko-chan sleeps with a pillow under her gun.

14. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Neko-chan allows to live.

15. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Neko-chan once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

16. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Neko-chan.

17. Neko-chan was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

18. Neko-chan describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

19. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Neko-chan, 3. Cancer

20. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Neko-chan because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Neko-chan' autobiography.

See, I got carried away again. Better stop. Now I'm all awake. Sheesh.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Vandalizers and taxes

I was waiting behind a couple (let’s just assume they’re a couple, makes typing so much easier compared to ‘a girl and a long hair guy whom I had mistaken for a girl at first’ [oh heck, I typed it out after all]) Sentence too long! Where was I? Ok, I was waiting for the couple to pay their parking fees at the autopay machine when the girl started abusing it by hitting the buttons violently. I could vaguely hear her saying, “It can do this…”

My guess is she was trying to demonstrate to her long haired boyfriend that the machine can vomit out receipts, or change languages. God knows. I don’t understand violent language.

I hate people who do these kinds of things. They’re those who will spoil public properties eventually and give everyone a headache. Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl.

They left after she was satisfied and after I rolled my eyes a million times. At least my eyes hurt for a good reason. Oh wait, you don’t know that.

The screen was displaying some language that was totally Greek to me. Thanks a lot. Thank god operating it is a no brainer. Well anyway, I was about to put the parking ticket into the slot when I saw another card there. Hmm? They forgot their ticket? Yes! Now you can’t drive out! Serves you right!

But actually, the card was a receipt. Funny for the receipt to come out from the same slot you would put your ticket in. I had to remove it but there was nowhere to throw it so I slipped it into my shopping bag.



Look, the government taxes parking fees as well. Why do they have to tax everything and still make us pay so much for food? Are they trying to starve us all? I think they tax donations as well. Heartless monsters! We have enough ‘onions’ in this country already, thank you. Maybe you should channel the cash elsewhere, like sponsoring another astronaut to go to space!* That’d be a wonderful idea.

Footnote: *For the sake of those slow people, I’m not singing praises about the government, thank you very much.

Friday, December 28, 2007

I love pooping

Have you ever thought about that? That you love to poop? As in, literally, poop? Here’s one of my poop posts again. I did it before. It’s periodical event. And another thing, don’t imagine, for your own sake.

I just realized a moment ago that I like to poop. It’s like you’re dumping all those toxic out of your body. Toxic begone! It’s particularly exciting when you poop a lot. It’s like how much more can I poop out? You feel as though you’re filling up the toilet. As if you’re a pooping machine in a course to clean your colon. I guess by now you would have known that I just pooped a pile not long ago.

And then sometimes I would see how fast I can poop. Don’t you? You go in, sit on the toilet, and poop! You’re done! And you impress everyone else by how fast you can do it.

So…basically I’ve finished my story about pooping. And uh…that’s it. Poop!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Closing

My plan was to go to library after class, search for whatever materials I will need for the assignment and get it done with. I happily drove to the library thinking that my job will be done, at least until Thursday where the real work comes in.

I pushed open the door, walked in, ignoring the guard sitting by the entrance like I always do. Then I heard him calling me.

Guard: Hello, hello.

Wait, why is he calling me? I’m not wearing a mini skirt.

Me: Yes?

Guard: Sudah tutup la. (The library is closed lah) He said with a don’t-you-know-that face. The 'lah' here justifies it.

Me: Har? Hari ni tutup pukul berapa? (What time does it close today?)

Guard: 4:30.

I looked at my watch and it was already 4:30. Curse you!!! So, now you celebrate Christmas? I didn’t know that. What, you have to go home early to exchange gifts? Have Christmas dinner?

God dammit everytime I go there it closes!!! Ok so maybe it was 5 out of 10 times. But who ever experiences the library closing on them half of the time!?

Now I only have Wednesday to settle it since Thursday morning is the meeting. Fark. And a Merry Christmas to you.

How happiness might taste like

I had one of the best dinners on Friday. It was in J.L. Gourmet in Prangin Mall. I was told that they have very nice mushroom soup twice this week so it became a must try. Indeed it was the best! God, what have I been eating all this while?! For the first time in my life, I finished my mushroom soup. I never finish my soup. I have no manners. But this one…it’s the taste of happiness!

For an affordable price of RM 16.90 you get a set meal with a soup, dessert, the main dish, and good service! The soup……the soup…..shit now I’m all hungry.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Gimme a break

I hate it when a new semester begins. It’s a time when I’m at lost the most and to make it worse assignments start pouring in. I’m supposed to be searching for information for an assignment but here I am, typing this soon-to-be-whining entry.

I have been staring at the words for a long time and yet I still couldn’t comprehend what it wants. What am I supposed to search for? It looks simple but the more I stare at it, the more complicated it gets. Sometimes a word so familiar appears but I just couldn’t recall what it is. Arghhhhh. What sin have I done to have to go through this torture over and over again? I wanna nap.

Friday, December 21, 2007

There's always a kaypo story after a haircut. But today...

*Kaypo - busy body


There’s someone close to me who is convinced that I’m fully incapable of allocating the money I have for various purposes and that whatever decision I make is always wrong or inferior. I dare say, cash wise, I’m richer than her, unless she’s got money stashed away somewhere that I don’t know of. And yet, I’m incapable of managing funds, so she thinks.

The things I buy are always overly expensive to her yet usually it’s the other way round. Her stuffs are usually more expensive and she hardly uses them. Who is wasting funds now? Shoes I buy are always pricey, clothes I buy are usually hideous, souvenirs I buy are inappropriate, hairstyles I cut are boring, yada yada yada.

Oh by the way, the thing that sparked off this post is that I had a relatively expensive haircut and my hair wasn’t surprisingly different from what I had before so…nag nag nag. When I said the reason for this is because I wanna keep the length and perm it, she burst into a ruckus talking about how curly, wavy, whatever hair is this and that and I should never do it and that the stylist just wants my money blahhhhhhhh blahhhhhhhhh. And also why I didn’t ask for Christopher or a guy stylist instead of the advantage-seeking girl. Yes the girl is trying to get me to do expensive treatments which I turned down. Note: Avoid that girl next time.

See how she contradicts herself? To her I was supposed to come back home today looking like Hebe though I’m not sure if that hair really suits me. So I came home with my old style with minor changes and she’s all brouhaha! Thanks for ruining my day.

Whenever I buy things I would think over and over again, in other words, I act like an obasan. Thanks to who?

I’m not going to dwell anymore on this. I don’t like to bad mouth my family. (Oops I just did) And oh yea, some of you here, I can picture your faces right now, don’t come to me and say how bad she is. I’m the only one who can say that. Stay off or your name will be etched in the Wall of Hate.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I'm too sexy for my phlegm, so sexy I can't withstand

Someone has been vandalizing our lifts or if you prefer, elevators with phlegm. Clearly that someone wasn’t taught that spitting is not something you do in public. Like the other thing you don’t flash around freely (some people do it for a price), it’s a private act reserved at home into the sink or in the toilet. But considering that some people still enjoy being watched while they do the other private thing, or how some think butt cheeks are sexy, I guess they find spitting a beautiful work of art. Unfortunately, people live by the norm. The norm says, NO SPITTING IN LIFTS YOU SON OF A BITCH!

You don’t have to astound us with your amazing work of art. It doesn’t matter if your disgusting goo creates a star on the uninteresting black lift floor or colors the walls with streaks of brown dripping lines. Nobody cares, so keep it to yourself. In fact, people will only get revolted. Please save us from having to look at your brilliant designs. They’re nauseating. And if you don’t mind me saying this – keep your god damned germs to yourself and leave them out of the air we breathe, you idiot.


Footnote: I haven’t been updating my other blog have I? Well, there are things here and there for me to do and time flies! But I’ll finish it before December ends, I promise, by hook or crook. Should I say thanks to phlegmingway and his works for giving me this opportunity to stand here and receive this self nominated award for successfully waking up from blog hibernation? Pfft. Fuck you. I’m not going to stay so phlegmatic about this.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Meme: 2005 in Music

Found this meme in Tizzy's blog. She tagged nobody but it seems fun to do and is different from the usual memes. <- is that even correct? :P

Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

By the way, I can't think of a title for this post, so I random-articled it. Hah! New word.

Band name: WebCT Vista (what's this? geek band?)
Album name: Sanguko

Tracks:
1. Shawn Mayer
2. Christianity in Europe (a carol?)
3. Ground effects (this should be the band name!)
4. Howard Morgan
5. The Highlands (this also sounds like a band name. A boring one)
6. Salt Creek
7. Viscosity (what the...what kind of a song name is this?)
8. Sprezzatura (whoa I like this!)
9. Lady Eve Balfour
10. C. Louis Leipoldt (orchestra?)
11. Escambray (cool...it's a newspaper name. They're cool)
12. Kościelniki Górne-Janówka (try reading this :P)
13. Harehills
14. Dimsum (Yippie yay!!! But it's not what I initially thought it was. Who cares)
15. Hartwig's Praomys

Unfair! I get all ugly song names and Tiz's are so nice! Did you cheat? Did you? Did you? I'm sure you did! But I do have a lot of varieties; from carols to orchestra to uh...yea I have varieties.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Aaaa....chooo!

Arghh!! I keep sneezing! I had an argument with my mom yesterday about how Vitamin C doesn’t really work for your immune system. I don’t remember how we ended up arguing about that because both of us hardly take any supplements.

I was telling her I don’t fall sick easily and that I usually only fall sick once a year. And I don’t even take Vitamin C. I was also telling her I didn’t fall sick this year and the last and she said, “Who tells people they never fall sick. What a stupid thing to say.”

Hey, you made me say it to prove you wrong!

Damn. You know how things are; when you say something, the opposite happens. It’s proven to happen most of the time. I guess you know why I’ve been sneezing so much today.

Aaaa..aaa…choooo! Tsk.

It’s all because of the stupid nail polish. I was using it to cover up my black nail and my whole room was filled with the smell pf nail polish for the rest of the night. By the time I went to bed, my nose was blocked. And it still is today. I’m not officially sick yet but this sure is the sign I’m going to be.

I shall not take medicines. I shall prevail! No worries, I’m not going to do the Rambo again.

Aaaa…choo! Argh damn. Tissue!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

No money, no honey

There's a show which my mom watches. (Actually she watches almost everything) She told me about this episode of 'On the Road' where they went to Cambodia and this boy who said something really funny.

I found it funnier when my mom told it to me. Maybe now it's not as funny coz I already know. Anyhow, pay attention to what the boy tells Nicholas Tse.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The door knob, the dog, the clouds, they're all stingy!

I was waiting for my turn in the washroom today when two girls, one at the mirror admiring herself and another in the cubicle, were talking. Ms. Vain was so loud, it sounded as if she was asking for a fight.

Ms. Vain: Jack…bla bla bla…Bryan…bla bla…Andy…yada yada yada…something something…so stingy!

Ms. Cubicle: Mmmghm?

Ms. Vain: Sio khi (gets angry easily)

It wasn’t clear because I didn’t really listened to what they were talking about.

Ms. Cubicle: Mghmmhm..ingy?

Ms. Vain: It means sio khi!

Har?? Stingy means sio khi? And she said it so confidently? Hah!

After we left, they were still talking loudly like it was nobody’s business. Well, actually yea, it was nobody’s business.

Anyway, right after we went out I asked my mom, “Did you hear what she said?”

“Yea, she said stingy means sio khi and when her friend said it means kiam siap (stingy) she confidently said it’s not.”

Hahahaha! Delusional girl. Hey, the door knob is stingy too. And the rose is Jesus. Ok ok fine, so I was watching the Christians are delusional* video on Youtube yesterday. I just wanna mention a little about it alright. Just the word delusional. There.



Footnote: *The video is boring besides his funny stresses on the word 'magically' and his funny conclusions.

Monday, December 10, 2007

What is your lie?

Warning: Religion talk. If you’re like the woman I’m about to mention, don’t read this. But of course in order to know if you’re like that woman, you’ll have to read. Well, whatever it is, if you’re easily irritated, don’t read.

People always come to the shop and ask for discounts. They would say they got this and that price the other time or last Wednesday afternoon or when their hair was still black. Some are telling the truth, some are just taking advantage of the uninformed you.

There was this one time when a woman came in and asked for a price which was quite hard to make. She was probably the boss’ friend and boss’ friends usually get big discounts. The boss obviously wasn’t around, or I wouldn’t be writing this in the first place, and the senior workers weren’t there too.

There was nobody for me to ask and the woman’s name wasn’t in the customer price log, so I could only give in to her persistence. I’m not going to repeat what other people have complained about the boss not recording the special prices he gives his pals. I’ll save the boss ranting madness when I get my tail squashed by him.

So then, back to the woman. I carelessly blurted out the words “Ok, I trust you” without a second thought. Wrong thing to say, I admit. But you know what she said?

“What? Why would I lie? I’m a Christian.”

Hohoho! Christians don’t lie? So if I’m not a Christian, and I’m not by the way, I lie? Ho…ho! Ok fine, so I’m twisting things a little here. Let me rephrase; just because you’re a Christian you don’t do lies? So if you’re not a Christian, there’s a probability that you’re lying? Ok I just went back to where I started. Whatever.

I so wanted to start a lip war with her but the customer is always right, so I just looked down, rolled my eyes, curled my lip in contempt and hit the numbers on the cash register.

“Thank you very much.”

Maybe these few Christians should do the scientologists’ famous line, ‘How many crimes have you done today?’ but instead change it to ‘How many lies have you said today?’ Ok, fine, so I went a bit far on that. I'm bored. And I want to poke fun at scientologists.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Yahoo! My Engrish get A+!

Let's see how many mistakes you can detect.
Click on picture to enlarge.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Black toe-gic

Update on my toe:


My toe has been cursed! Don’t come near me or the curse will pass on to you! (which I don’t mind, really) Just in case you didn’t get the title, it came from the word black magic. Lame, I know.



Sorry the photo is as blur as my state of mind.


It’s all black. At least that’s what I thought. Somehow some parts uh…un-clotted itself and turned back to maroon. Oh what do I do? My colleague told me hers never grew out and she had to poke it (OUCHHHHHHH!!!) and squeeze it out. CY says it’ll grow out which I agree through experience. But I’ve never had one so big before!

Grow! Abra cabra dabra ohm ohm groooowwww! I’ll just have to chant.

Hummingly bored

Everybody seems to be busy with something except me. It’s evident because I keep checking the same websites over and over again and none has any updates that I haven’t already seen. Plus, Facebook is extremely quiet now and I suspect my GMail is playing dead with me. Or maybe it’s Blogger. Hmmm….Hmmmm…Hmmmm…

Hmmm.

Perhaps I should go read some books. But I can do that later, after I recheck the websites. Perhaps I should write about my trip. But that can come later too. Well, everything can come later. I have no life. Even computer gamers have more life than I do. At least, they have a second life, according to joyfulchicken.

Hmmm…

Around the world

Here’s one of my perverted stories again. Ha ha. It’s not funny. Don’t laugh at me.

You know how shops usually display condoms, lubricants and what not right next to the cashier? In our place, there’s also the ‘ear digger’ (just let me call it that okay, whatever it should have been called).

Just in case you still don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the long stick-like thing you use to clean your ear. To dig out the earwax is more appropriate. Some people call the action around the world coz it feels good (‘lian say kai’ in Hokkien) Okay nothing to do with your version of ‘around the world’ or why it’s with the condoms. Sheesh! Quiet! Dirty minds! This is a below 18 blog!

One day, a little girl came into the shop and pointed to the ear diggers and asked me what it is. They were placed right next to the red colored lubricant (don’t ask me the taste, I’m not interested) so I thought Ms. Little Girl wanted to eat that.

“That’s not food,” I said.

They’re red and they remind me of strawberry smoothie okay! I like food, so what?

She smiled in an all knowing way and later whispered to her mom and they both laughed. Damn don’t I look like a fool? How would I know you were asking about those ugly ear diggers and not strawberry smoothie? Kids. I don’t understand them.

The reason I dug out this old story was coz the other day I dropped my ear digger and the floor must have ate it coz I can’t freaking find it! My ear needs cleaning! Okay so I need to go around the world. It’s addictive. What do you know? You may not even have seen an ear digger before, let alone clean your ears. Sheesh!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Genital-ed food?

We were supposed to go for Jollibee but unfortunately it was closed so we ended up in a Chinese restaurant (I think it’s Chinese). I wasn’t too happy with that because it was the third day and I still haven’t tried Jollibee. But good thing we ended up there because...

Check out the menu:



Soup #5 anyone?

And to make things tastier, we saw this in Mall of Asia:



Wanna know how that’s read? I think it’s gonna need another soup #5 to make it even.


Oh and if you're offended, go bury your eyes and your opinions elsewhere. You're not welcomed.

But not available


This is one of the shirts I got from Manila. I wore it and while walking on the streets, one Indian uncle – stressed ‘uncle’ – walked by me and said “I’m rich” -_-" I Guess you can't wear stuff you think is your type of joke? Ok what am I saying?

He was probably walking with his family, I don’t know, one of them look my age and he says that? Mid life crisis.

Didn’t know I’d attract this kind of attention wearing that. But I wouldn’t mind if he’s young and handsome and rich, of course haha.

Monday, December 3, 2007

One year older, no less a procrastinator

-Dreaming-

I dreamt that I was heading towards the doomed age. Someone was telling me that…no, someone was stating to me the fact that 22 will be the last of your best years and 23 means something like bad luck and 24 means you die. If you say 24 in Cantonese, it does mean you die easily. But 23 should mean born easily, no? Haha. But everything seems to make sense in the dream and I thought I was doomed. What a dream.

-Working-

I thought I’d have to work tomorrow. But not anymore! Yes! I’m never a big fan of working. Never!

It’s funny how some people never answer you when you ask them questions. Take my mom for example. I’d ask her something but she’ll not reply. So I’d ask her again and get a rude I-heard-you-already reply. I guess it’s always bad timing with my mom huh?

I thought the same was with my boss today. I text-ed him to say I can’t work tomorrow but got no reply. So for the whole afternoon I was wondering, do I still need to go to work? Of course, for someone who understands the language of not replying, i.e. my mom, it would mean I don’t have to go to work. But you can’t jump to that conclusion right?

Alas after waiting for something like 6 hours, I finally got a reply. I don’t have to go after all. You know, I don’t care how long he takes as long as he replied saying I don’t have to work tomorrow. Now I don’t. Yay!

Wonder where I should go though. Get myself a new pair of shoes which I have still YET to get? Treat myself to delicious fattening food? Walk around aimlessly? Someone give me some ideas? Please? Pretty please?

-Lazy spell-

Help.

-Gibberish-

I know. This is close to gibberish. Sorry, I’ll stop now.



P.S. The other blog isn't up yet. Procrastinating. Question: Do you prefer Blogspot or Wordpress?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Dunk in 'trash' donut

Dunkin’ Donuts suck. I don’t get why people keep buying from them. Is it coz there is nowhere else they can get donuts in this donut deficient country? I have friends who go crazy over Dunkin’ Donuts. Come on, their donut is so hard if you throw it against a wall, it would make a hole. And if you look into their website, there's this girl saying that America runs on Dunkin'. I don't even wanna imagine.

I remember my first Dunkin’ donut. My friend was all hullabaloos when she saw it so I thought it must be good. WRONG. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt. It was probably my luck to get the wrong ones. The next time when I was with the same friend, again she went hullabaloos, and again, I thought, why not another try? WRONG. My whole box of 6 went into the trash.

Ever since then, I’ve labeled all donuts a no-no. Of course that was until Arthur (the guy who comments here occasionally) made me try Go Nuts Donuts. He’s persistent. But I’m glad he did. It’s nothing like Dunkin’. So people, the problem is actually with Dunkin’.

And when I was as the airport, I tried Mister Donuts. Again, it was nothing like Dunkin’. Confirmed. Dunkin’ is junk. You Dunkin’ fans, I don’t get you.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Yes?No?

O.K?
K.O.