Monday, December 17, 2007

I'm too sexy for my phlegm, so sexy I can't withstand

Someone has been vandalizing our lifts or if you prefer, elevators with phlegm. Clearly that someone wasn’t taught that spitting is not something you do in public. Like the other thing you don’t flash around freely (some people do it for a price), it’s a private act reserved at home into the sink or in the toilet. But considering that some people still enjoy being watched while they do the other private thing, or how some think butt cheeks are sexy, I guess they find spitting a beautiful work of art. Unfortunately, people live by the norm. The norm says, NO SPITTING IN LIFTS YOU SON OF A BITCH!

You don’t have to astound us with your amazing work of art. It doesn’t matter if your disgusting goo creates a star on the uninteresting black lift floor or colors the walls with streaks of brown dripping lines. Nobody cares, so keep it to yourself. In fact, people will only get revolted. Please save us from having to look at your brilliant designs. They’re nauseating. And if you don’t mind me saying this – keep your god damned germs to yourself and leave them out of the air we breathe, you idiot.


Footnote: I haven’t been updating my other blog have I? Well, there are things here and there for me to do and time flies! But I’ll finish it before December ends, I promise, by hook or crook. Should I say thanks to phlegmingway and his works for giving me this opportunity to stand here and receive this self nominated award for successfully waking up from blog hibernation? Pfft. Fuck you. I’m not going to stay so phlegmatic about this.

4 comments:

宝茹 said...

Ugh...phlegm? That's gross! Maybe they're just the same person--like going on a phlegm rampage. Saliva spit, I understand sort of, but phelgm...

Ummm...must be an epidemic going on.

joyfulchicken said...

This reminds me of the "no urinating in the lift" sign that my friend saw in Singapore :-|

runawaycat said...

I'm thinking of putting one of those signs in the lift. NO SPITTING ASSHOLES!

I've taken the lift 6 times since and every single time THAT one opened for me. Damn!

dominiqueban said...

lol..the phlegm loves you...