Random facts about Runawaycat

1. Runawaycat is not Politically Correct. She is just Correct. Always.

2. Runawaycat was once charged with attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Runawaycat does not "attempt" murder.

3. No matter what your mother always said, Runawaycat can tune a fish.

4. Runawaycat make onions Cry.

5. There is no Control button on Runawaycat's computer. Runawaycat is always in control.

6. Runawaycat visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

7. Runawaycat's dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Runawaycat will not take shit from anyone.

8. 182,000 Americans die from runawaycat-related accidents every year.

9. Runawaycat eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, she uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which she uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

10. Runawaycat does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Runawaycat's fists is inside her own body.

11. Runawaycat has to register every part of her body as a separate lethal weapon. Her spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

12. Runawaycat knows the last digit of pi.

13. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Runawaycat.

14. Runawaycat drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

15. Guns don't kill people. Runawaycat kills People.

16. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take runawaycat to kill you...Fourty seven times.

17. Runawaycat once participated in the running of the bulls. She walked.

18. When you say "no one's perfect", Runawaycat takes this as a personal insult.

19. Mr. T once defeated runawaycat in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, runawaycat invented racism.

20. Runawaycat qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

I got too excited and did 20 facts. Inspired by Karljam's (CY) post. Random fact generator.
Did you think I thought of all these myself? Hehehehe. Now I'm gonna try Neko-chan.

Random facts about Neko-chan

1. Neko-chan doesn't use pickup lines, she simply says, "Now."

2. Neko-chan will attain statehood in 2009. Her state flower will be the Magnolia.

3. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a woman, and vanquish evil from the land. That woman is not Neko-chan, because Neko-chan killed that woman.

4. When Neko-chan goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

5. 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Neko-chan as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

6. Neko-chan eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

7. Neko-chan is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time she tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

8. When Neko-chan looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Neko-chan and Neko-chan.

9. Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Neko-chan touches turns up dead.

10. Neko-chan CAN believe it's not butter.

11. Neko-chan sleeps with a night light. Not because Neko-chan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Neko-chan.

12. Google won't search for Neko-chan because it knows you don't find Neko-chan, she finds you.

13. Neko-chan sleeps with a pillow under her gun.

14. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Neko-chan allows to live.

15. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Neko-chan once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

16. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Neko-chan.

17. Neko-chan was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

18. Neko-chan describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

19. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Neko-chan, 3. Cancer

20. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Neko-chan because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Neko-chan' autobiography.

See, I got carried away again. Better stop. Now I'm all awake. Sheesh.

Vandalizers and taxes

I was waiting behind a couple (let’s just assume they’re a couple, makes typing so much easier compared to ‘a girl and a long hair guy whom I had mistaken for a girl at first’ [oh heck, I typed it out after all]) Sentence too long! Where was I? Ok, I was waiting for the couple to pay their parking fees at the autopay machine when the girl started abusing it by hitting the buttons violently. I could vaguely hear her saying, “It can do this…”

My guess is she was trying to demonstrate to her long haired boyfriend that the machine can vomit out receipts, or change languages. God knows. I don’t understand violent language.

I hate people who do these kinds of things. They’re those who will spoil public properties eventually and give everyone a headache. Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl.

They left after she was satisfied and after I rolled my eyes a million times. At least my eyes hurt for a good reason. Oh wait, you don’t know that.

The screen was displaying some language that was totally Greek to me. Thanks a lot. Thank god operating it is a no brainer. Well anyway, I was about to put the parking ticket into the slot when I saw another card there. Hmm? They forgot their ticket? Yes! Now you can’t drive out! Serves you right!

But actually, the card was a receipt. Funny for the receipt to come out from the same slot you would put your ticket in. I had to remove it but there was nowhere to throw it so I slipped it into my shopping bag.

Look, the government taxes parking fees as well. Why do they have to tax everything and still make us pay so much for food? Are they trying to starve us all? I think they tax donations as well. Heartless monsters! We have enough ‘onions’ in this country already, thank you. Maybe you should channel the cash elsewhere, like sponsoring another astronaut to go to space!* That’d be a wonderful idea.

Footnote: *For the sake of those slow people, I’m not singing praises about the government, thank you very much.

I love pooping

Have you ever thought about that? That you love to poop? As in, literally, poop? Here’s one of my poop posts again. I did it before. It’s periodical event. And another thing, don’t imagine, for your own sake.

I just realized a moment ago that I like to poop. It’s like you’re dumping all those toxic out of your body. Toxic begone! It’s particularly exciting when you poop a lot. It’s like how much more can I poop out? You feel as though you’re filling up the toilet. As if you’re a pooping machine in a course to clean your colon. I guess by now you would have known that I just pooped a pile not long ago.

And then sometimes I would see how fast I can poop. Don’t you? You go in, sit on the toilet, and poop! You’re done! And you impress everyone else by how fast you can do it.

So…basically I’ve finished my story about pooping. And uh…that’s it. Poop!

Merry Closing

My plan was to go to library after class, search for whatever materials I will need for the assignment and get it done with. I happily drove to the library thinking that my job will be done, at least until Thursday where the real work comes in.

I pushed open the door, walked in, ignoring the guard sitting by the entrance like I always do. Then I heard him calling me.

Guard: Hello, hello.

Wait, why is he calling me? I’m not wearing a mini skirt.

Me: Yes?

Guard: Sudah tutup la. (The library is closed lah) He said with a don’t-you-know-that face. The 'lah' here justifies it.

Me: Har? Hari ni tutup pukul berapa? (What time does it close today?)

Guard: 4:30.

I looked at my watch and it was already 4:30. Curse you!!! So, now you celebrate Christmas? I didn’t know that. What, you have to go home early to exchange gifts? Have Christmas dinner?

God dammit everytime I go there it closes!!! Ok so maybe it was 5 out of 10 times. But who ever experiences the library closing on them half of the time!?

Now I only have Wednesday to settle it since Thursday morning is the meeting. Fark. And a Merry Christmas to you.

How happiness might taste like

I had one of the best dinners on Friday. It was in J.L. Gourmet in Prangin Mall. I was told that they have very nice mushroom soup twice this week so it became a must try. Indeed it was the best! God, what have I been eating all this while?! For the first time in my life, I finished my mushroom soup. I never finish my soup. I have no manners. But this one…it’s the taste of happiness!

For an affordable price of RM 16.90 you get a set meal with a soup, dessert, the main dish, and good service! The soup……the soup…..shit now I’m all hungry.

Gimme a break

I hate it when a new semester begins. It’s a time when I’m at lost the most and to make it worse assignments start pouring in. I’m supposed to be searching for information for an assignment but here I am, typing this soon-to-be-whining entry.

I have been staring at the words for a long time and yet I still couldn’t comprehend what it wants. What am I supposed to search for? It looks simple but the more I stare at it, the more complicated it gets. Sometimes a word so familiar appears but I just couldn’t recall what it is. Arghhhhh. What sin have I done to have to go through this torture over and over again? I wanna nap.

There's always a kaypo story after a haircut. But today...

*Kaypo - busy body

There’s someone close to me who is convinced that I’m fully incapable of allocating the money I have for various purposes and that whatever decision I make is always wrong or inferior. I dare say, cash wise, I’m richer than her, unless she’s got money stashed away somewhere that I don’t know of. And yet, I’m incapable of managing funds, so she thinks.

The things I buy are always overly expensive to her yet usually it’s the other way round. Her stuffs are usually more expensive and she hardly uses them. Who is wasting funds now? Shoes I buy are always pricey, clothes I buy are usually hideous, souvenirs I buy are inappropriate, hairstyles I cut are boring, yada yada yada.

Oh by the way, the thing that sparked off this post is that I had a relatively expensive haircut and my hair wasn’t surprisingly different from what I had before so…nag nag nag. When I said the reason for this is because I wanna keep the length and perm it, she burst into a ruckus talking about how curly, wavy, whatever hair is this and that and I should never do it and that the stylist just wants my money blahhhhhhhh blahhhhhhhhh. And also why I didn’t ask for Christopher or a guy stylist instead of the advantage-seeking girl. Yes the girl is trying to get me to do expensive treatments which I turned down. Note: Avoid that girl next time.

See how she contradicts herself? To her I was supposed to come back home today looking like Hebe though I’m not sure if that hair really suits me. So I came home with my old style with minor changes and she’s all brouhaha! Thanks for ruining my day.

Whenever I buy things I would think over and over again, in other words, I act like an obasan. Thanks to who?

I’m not going to dwell anymore on this. I don’t like to bad mouth my family. (Oops I just did) And oh yea, some of you here, I can picture your faces right now, don’t come to me and say how bad she is. I’m the only one who can say that. Stay off or your name will be etched in the Wall of Hate.

I'm too sexy for my phlegm, so sexy I can't withstand

Someone has been vandalizing our lifts or if you prefer, elevators with phlegm. Clearly that someone wasn’t taught that spitting is not something you do in public. Like the other thing you don’t flash around freely (some people do it for a price), it’s a private act reserved at home into the sink or in the toilet. But considering that some people still enjoy being watched while they do the other private thing, or how some think butt cheeks are sexy, I guess they find spitting a beautiful work of art. Unfortunately, people live by the norm. The norm says, NO SPITTING IN LIFTS YOU SON OF A BITCH!

You don’t have to astound us with your amazing work of art. It doesn’t matter if your disgusting goo creates a star on the uninteresting black lift floor or colors the walls with streaks of brown dripping lines. Nobody cares, so keep it to yourself. In fact, people will only get revolted. Please save us from having to look at your brilliant designs. They’re nauseating. And if you don’t mind me saying this – keep your god damned germs to yourself and leave them out of the air we breathe, you idiot.

Footnote: I haven’t been updating my other blog have I? Well, there are things here and there for me to do and time flies! But I’ll finish it before December ends, I promise, by hook or crook. Should I say thanks to phlegmingway and his works for giving me this opportunity to stand here and receive this self nominated award for successfully waking up from blog hibernation? Pfft. Fuck you. I’m not going to stay so phlegmatic about this.

Meme: 2005 in Music

Found this meme in Tizzy's blog. She tagged nobody but it seems fun to do and is different from the usual memes. <- is that even correct? :P

Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

By the way, I can't think of a title for this post, so I random-articled it. Hah! New word.

Band name: WebCT Vista (what's this? geek band?)
Album name: Sanguko

Tracks:
1. Shawn Mayer
2. Christianity in Europe (a carol?)
3. Ground effects (this should be the band name!)
4. Howard Morgan
5. The Highlands (this also sounds like a band name. A boring one)
6. Salt Creek
7. Viscosity (what the...what kind of a song name is this?)
8. Sprezzatura (whoa I like this!)
9. Lady Eve Balfour
10. C. Louis Leipoldt (orchestra?)
11. Escambray (cool...it's a newspaper name. They're cool)
12. Kościelniki Górne-Janówka (try reading this :P)
13. Harehills
14. Dimsum (Yippie yay!!! But it's not what I initially thought it was. Who cares)
15. Hartwig's Praomys

Unfair! I get all ugly song names and Tiz's are so nice! Did you cheat? Did you? Did you? I'm sure you did! But I do have a lot of varieties; from carols to orchestra to uh...yea I have varieties.

Aaaa....chooo!

Arghh!! I keep sneezing! I had an argument with my mom yesterday about how Vitamin C doesn’t really work for your immune system. I don’t remember how we ended up arguing about that because both of us hardly take any supplements.

I was telling her I don’t fall sick easily and that I usually only fall sick once a year. And I don’t even take Vitamin C. I was also telling her I didn’t fall sick this year and the last and she said, “Who tells people they never fall sick. What a stupid thing to say.”

Hey, you made me say it to prove you wrong!

Damn. You know how things are; when you say something, the opposite happens. It’s proven to happen most of the time. I guess you know why I’ve been sneezing so much today.

Aaaa..aaa…choooo! Tsk.

It’s all because of the stupid nail polish. I was using it to cover up my black nail and my whole room was filled with the smell pf nail polish for the rest of the night. By the time I went to bed, my nose was blocked. And it still is today. I’m not officially sick yet but this sure is the sign I’m going to be.

I shall not take medicines. I shall prevail! No worries, I’m not going to do the Rambo again.

Aaaa…choo! Argh damn. Tissue!!!

No money, no honey

There's a show which my mom watches. (Actually she watches almost everything) She told me about this episode of 'On the Road' where they went to Cambodia and this boy who said something really funny.

I found it funnier when my mom told it to me. Maybe now it's not as funny coz I already know. Anyhow, pay attention to what the boy tells Nicholas Tse.

The door knob, the dog, the clouds, they're all stingy!

I was waiting for my turn in the washroom today when two girls, one at the mirror admiring herself and another in the cubicle, were talking. Ms. Vain was so loud, it sounded as if she was asking for a fight.

Ms. Vain: Jack…bla bla bla…Bryan…bla bla…Andy…yada yada yada…something something…so stingy!

Ms. Cubicle: Mmmghm?

Ms. Vain: Sio khi (gets angry easily)

It wasn’t clear because I didn’t really listened to what they were talking about.

Ms. Cubicle: Mghmmhm..ingy?

Ms. Vain: It means sio khi!

Har?? Stingy means sio khi? And she said it so confidently? Hah!

After we left, they were still talking loudly like it was nobody’s business. Well, actually yea, it was nobody’s business.

Anyway, right after we went out I asked my mom, “Did you hear what she said?”

“Yea, she said stingy means sio khi and when her friend said it means kiam siap (stingy) she confidently said it’s not.”

Hahahaha! Delusional girl. Hey, the door knob is stingy too. And the rose is Jesus. Ok ok fine, so I was watching the Christians are delusional* video on Youtube yesterday. I just wanna mention a little about it alright. Just the word delusional. There.

Footnote: *The video is boring besides his funny stresses on the word 'magically' and his funny conclusions.

What is your lie?

Warning: Religion talk. If you’re like the woman I’m about to mention, don’t read this. But of course in order to know if you’re like that woman, you’ll have to read. Well, whatever it is, if you’re easily irritated, don’t read.

People always come to the shop and ask for discounts. They would say they got this and that price the other time or last Wednesday afternoon or when their hair was still black. Some are telling the truth, some are just taking advantage of the uninformed you.

There was this one time when a woman came in and asked for a price which was quite hard to make. She was probably the boss’ friend and boss’ friends usually get big discounts. The boss obviously wasn’t around, or I wouldn’t be writing this in the first place, and the senior workers weren’t there too.

There was nobody for me to ask and the woman’s name wasn’t in the customer price log, so I could only give in to her persistence. I’m not going to repeat what other people have complained about the boss not recording the special prices he gives his pals. I’ll save the boss ranting madness when I get my tail squashed by him.

So then, back to the woman. I carelessly blurted out the words “Ok, I trust you” without a second thought. Wrong thing to say, I admit. But you know what she said?

“What? Why would I lie? I’m a Christian.”

Hohoho! Christians don’t lie? So if I’m not a Christian, and I’m not by the way, I lie? Ho…ho! Ok fine, so I’m twisting things a little here. Let me rephrase; just because you’re a Christian you don’t do lies? So if you’re not a Christian, there’s a probability that you’re lying? Ok I just went back to where I started. Whatever.

I so wanted to start a lip war with her but the customer is always right, so I just looked down, rolled my eyes, curled my lip in contempt and hit the numbers on the cash register.

“Thank you very much.”

Maybe these few Christians should do the scientologists’ famous line, ‘How many crimes have you done today?’ but instead change it to ‘How many lies have you said today?’ Ok, fine, so I went a bit far on that. I'm bored. And I want to poke fun at scientologists.

Yahoo! My Engrish get A+!

Let's see how many mistakes you can detect.

Click on picture to enlarge.

Black toe-gic

Update on my toe:

My toe has been cursed! Don’t come near me or the curse will pass on to you! (which I don’t mind, really) Just in case you didn’t get the title, it came from the word black magic. Lame, I know.

Sorry the photo is as blur as my state of mind.

It’s all black. At least that’s what I thought. Somehow some parts uh…un-clotted itself and turned back to maroon. Oh what do I do? My colleague told me hers never grew out and she had to poke it (OUCHHHHHHH!!!) and squeeze it out. CY says it’ll grow out which I agree through experience. But I’ve never had one so big before!

Grow! Abra cabra dabra ohm ohm groooowwww! I’ll just have to chant.

Hummingly bored

Everybody seems to be busy with something except me. It’s evident because I keep checking the same websites over and over again and none has any updates that I haven’t already seen. Plus, Facebook is extremely quiet now and I suspect my GMail is playing dead with me. Or maybe it’s Blogger. Hmmm….Hmmmm…Hmmmm…

Hmmm.

Perhaps I should go read some books. But I can do that later, after I recheck the websites. Perhaps I should write about my trip. But that can come later too. Well, everything can come later. I have no life. Even computer gamers have more life than I do. At least, they have a second life, according to joyfulchicken.

Hmmm…

Around the world

Here’s one of my perverted stories again. Ha ha. It’s not funny. Don’t laugh at me.

You know how shops usually display condoms, lubricants and what not right next to the cashier? In our place, there’s also the ‘ear digger’ (just let me call it that okay, whatever it should have been called).

Just in case you still don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the long stick-like thing you use to clean your ear. To dig out the earwax is more appropriate. Some people call the action around the world coz it feels good (‘lian say kai’ in Hokkien) Okay nothing to do with your version of ‘around the world’ or why it’s with the condoms. Sheesh! Quiet! Dirty minds! This is a below 18 blog!

One day, a little girl came into the shop and pointed to the ear diggers and asked me what it is. They were placed right next to the red colored lubricant (don’t ask me the taste, I’m not interested) so I thought Ms. Little Girl wanted to eat that.

“That’s not food,” I said.

They’re red and they remind me of strawberry smoothie okay! I like food, so what?

She smiled in an all knowing way and later whispered to her mom and they both laughed. Damn don’t I look like a fool? How would I know you were asking about those ugly ear diggers and not strawberry smoothie? Kids. I don’t understand them.

The reason I dug out this old story was coz the other day I dropped my ear digger and the floor must have ate it coz I can’t freaking find it! My ear needs cleaning! Okay so I need to go around the world. It’s addictive. What do you know? You may not even have seen an ear digger before, let alone clean your ears. Sheesh!

Genital-ed food?

We were supposed to go for Jollibee but unfortunately it was closed so we ended up in a Chinese restaurant (I think it’s Chinese). I wasn’t too happy with that because it was the third day and I still haven’t tried Jollibee. But good thing we ended up there because...

Check out the menu:

Soup #5 anyone?

And to make things tastier, we saw this in Mall of Asia:

Wanna know how that’s read? I think it’s gonna need another soup #5 to make it even.

Oh and if you're offended, go bury your eyes and your opinions elsewhere. You're not welcomed.

But not available

This is one of the shirts I got from Manila. I wore it and while walking on the streets, one Indian uncle – stressed ‘uncle’ – walked by me and said “I’m rich” -_-" I Guess you can't wear stuff you think is your type of joke? Ok what am I saying?

He was probably walking with his family, I don’t know, one of them look my age and he says that? Mid life crisis.

Didn’t know I’d attract this kind of attention wearing that. But I wouldn’t mind if he’s young and handsome and rich, of course haha.

One year older, no less a procrastinator

-Dreaming-

I dreamt that I was heading towards the doomed age. Someone was telling me that…no, someone was stating to me the fact that 22 will be the last of your best years and 23 means something like bad luck and 24 means you die. If you say 24 in Cantonese, it does mean you die easily. But 23 should mean born easily, no? Haha. But everything seems to make sense in the dream and I thought I was doomed. What a dream.

-Working-

I thought I’d have to work tomorrow. But not anymore! Yes! I’m never a big fan of working. Never!

It’s funny how some people never answer you when you ask them questions. Take my mom for example. I’d ask her something but she’ll not reply. So I’d ask her again and get a rude I-heard-you-already reply. I guess it’s always bad timing with my mom huh?

I thought the same was with my boss today. I text-ed him to say I can’t work tomorrow but got no reply. So for the whole afternoon I was wondering, do I still need to go to work? Of course, for someone who understands the language of not replying, i.e. my mom, it would mean I don’t have to go to work. But you can’t jump to that conclusion right?

Alas after waiting for something like 6 hours, I finally got a reply. I don’t have to go after all. You know, I don’t care how long he takes as long as he replied saying I don’t have to work tomorrow. Now I don’t. Yay!

Wonder where I should go though. Get myself a new pair of shoes which I have still YET to get? Treat myself to delicious fattening food? Walk around aimlessly? Someone give me some ideas? Please? Pretty please?

-Lazy spell-

Help.

-Gibberish-

I know. This is close to gibberish. Sorry, I’ll stop now.

P.S. The other blog isn't up yet. Procrastinating. Question: Do you prefer Blogspot or Wordpress?

Dunk in 'trash' donut

Dunkin’ Donuts suck. I don’t get why people keep buying from them. Is it coz there is nowhere else they can get donuts in this donut deficient country? I have friends who go crazy over Dunkin’ Donuts. Come on, their donut is so hard if you throw it against a wall, it would make a hole. And if you look into their website, there's this girl saying that America runs on Dunkin'. I don't even wanna imagine.

I remember my first Dunkin’ donut. My friend was all hullabaloos when she saw it so I thought it must be good. WRONG. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt. It was probably my luck to get the wrong ones. The next time when I was with the same friend, again she went hullabaloos, and again, I thought, why not another try? WRONG. My whole box of 6 went into the trash.

Ever since then, I’ve labeled all donuts a no-no. Of course that was until Arthur (the guy who comments here occasionally) made me try Go Nuts Donuts. He’s persistent. But I’m glad he did. It’s nothing like Dunkin’. So people, the problem is actually with Dunkin’.

And when I was as the airport, I tried Mister Donuts. Again, it was nothing like Dunkin’. Confirmed. Dunkin’ is junk. You Dunkin’ fans, I don’t get you.

Yes?No?

O.K?
K.O.

Home Hot Home

It’s ‘good’ to be home where it’s freaking hot now. It’s so hot my head hurts. Damned weather.

For those who don’t know, I just came back from a holiday and look what I got:

Thanks a lot, you stupid shoe. Now let’s see if it turns black in a few days.

It doesn’t hurt that much anymore except for my left toe because I couldn’t walk right in the airport yesterday and had to kick a hole on the ground. Stupid hole-ly ground. And just now, my cousin kicked my toe. Guess which toe? And just 10 minutes ago, my butter fingers had to let the toner bottle slip off my hands and despite 3 attempts to stop it from falling, it still did and guess where it landed? On my left toe. I swear, the next person or thing to even touch my toe will go to hell.

Well, enough of my toe. Be rest assured you’ll still hear of it again soon.

Let’s talk about people who poo with the door unlocked. You know how the light in the airplane lavatory goes red if it’s occupied and green if it’s not? I wanted to go but the lights to both lavatories were red so I waited. When the people came out I turned around and saw two other people waiting there but they didn’t seem like they wanted to go because they didn’t. Duh. So I got up, walked there and seeing that the light is still green with the word ‘vacant’ and the two people still waiting there, god knows why, I opened the door. And then there was a hand pulling the door back from the inside. What the?

The crew man there then said “Oops there’s someone inside. Please queue up.” Now I feel like the desperate inconsiderate person who doesn’t know what a queue is. Please queue up? How the hell would I know that’s a freaking queue since they’re just standing there and not going into the VACANT toilet?

And then there was this one air stewardess who couldn’t handle stress. The pilot was obviously speeding since we were 30 minutes ahead of time and that must have made the crews panic because they were running around looking like they’ve got a million dollar deal to sign. That was when my friend got hungry and thought she’d get nasi lemak. They were so busy we couldn’t catch them so we pressed the bell. Still, we were ignored. Finally the stressed air stewardess came and asked rudely, “What do you want? (I’m very busy, can’t you see that? You’re such a pain in the ass)” What do I want? What do you want? A fight?

When it's black, you get your money back

Given my boring life, I can safely say that today is the most exciting day of the year. Ok maybe not ‘the year’; I don’t remember if anything out of the ordinary happened more than 3 months ago.

So why was today so cool? Well, first I went to watch Beowulf with my friend and right when Beowulf was about to strip naked, the queen’s voice became a little distorted and the screen blinked once. GSC’s ‘magnificent quality’, I thought to myself. Two seconds later it went blank for good and the whole cinema turned pitch black. Someone sitting to our right, from Family Information, said there was a blackout in the whole mall. Well, they were right coz right after hearing that, three men with torchlights came in and said that there was a blackout and we can refund our tickets. What?! But Beowulf was just about to strip! (Not like I care)

So everyone got out and made a big gathering at the lobby. Too bad it was still early. If it happened at night, the whole mall would be blindingly dark. Eerie…and cool! The light shining through from the center court brightened the mall ripping half the fun away. Boo.

We were told to wait for 15 minutes and if the electricity didn’t come back we can go claim our money. Although I was disappointed to find that Beowulf were fully (well, almost, more of that later) animated, it had already start to grab my attention and I didn’t want a refund. I just wanna go back and watch my movie. Finally the electricity came back! My Beowulf! But it only came back for a split second and it was dark again. But of course that was just a joke and it finally did come back on. So everyone went back to their seats and Mrs. Information started telling her daughter that the whole island experienced the electricity cut. They sure know everything don’t they?

Right after eavesdropping on their information-filled conversation, I sms-ed my dad to confirm. They were right! Family Information, they are!

Things resumed, Beowulf stripped, and then we realized that the king was a real person. It started to get funny because everyone else was fake except him. Later after that he turned into cartoon again and back to life and cartoon again and someone else came to life and went back to being cartoon, yada yada yada. And when Angelina Jolie first appeared she was real but as she turned around Beowulf, her face started to look like plastic. Yea, she turned into cartoon. (Oh heck! Now I get what joyfulchicken was talking about! Angelina Jolie has no nipples! So you did watch Beowulf already!)

Overall, Beowulf wasn’t that bad. It was quite good actually considering the comedic switches between life person and cartoon person. There was this part about Grendal’s private parts. That was funny. Beowulf is a comedy!

The fun doesn’t end there. No, the mall didn’t collapse. Remember when I said I haven’t ran in years and how I missed running in the rain? Well, my wish was granted. It rained and we ran like mad to our cars behind the cemetery opposite the mall. We were cheapskates after all. Parking in the mall is just too expensive for poor people like us.

Running for the first time in years made me realize that I can’t run anymore. My internal organs felt like candy in a shaking jar. Eik. That’s a bad simile. Whatever. And this entry is starting to get winding long. I better stop now. Never mind the part where I scared the shit out of a dog when I ran like an elephant.

This is serious matter

My dad called to let me know his phone got stolen today. I just woke up then so my thoughts were just as clear as mud, and I didn’t ask if he had called to suspend his line. Since I can’t reach him anymore, I decided to call the telco myself.

“Hello welcome to Telco X. Your current balance is bla bla bla. Kindly reload before bla bla. To change your… please press 1. To….please press 2. To speak to a HUMAN, please press 0,” the machine spoke in a super slow, monotonous voice.

And so I pressed 0. Another machine with a different voice spoke. “To Select the current language, please press 1. WTF? I thought I’ll be speaking to humans?

And so I pressed 1. Again, a machine spoke! To…please press 1. To…please press 2. To report a stolen phone, please press 3.

And so I pressed 3.

“To report a stolen phone, please press 1.” WTF?

So I pressed again, for the hundredth time. The recorded voice continued on and finally I was asked to HOLD ON while a consultant answers my call whereby our conversation will be recorded in case you didn’t know.

A guy who didn’t introduce himself answered. Let’s call him Mr. Birdbrain. I told Mr. Birdbrain what I wanted to do.

Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your line is breaking off.

I walked around the house trying to find a good spot but Mr. Birdbrain still couldn’t hear me clearly.

Mr. Birdbrain: Never mind, just talk louder ok?

Fine.

Me: I wanna report a stolen phone. The number is bla bla.

And the conversation went on to have him found out that it wasn’t my phone. It took him very long to find that out. Birdbrain.

Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, I cannot suspend his line unless he himself calls me. We just need to confirm his identity card no. and record his voice. Don’t worry, he can call us from any phone, including a public phone.

Record his voice?!?! What’s that, voice signature!? Vomit. You mean record the conversation so the boss knows you didn’t break any rules?

Me: How can I ask him to call you when I myself can’t reach him in the first place? Of course I know he can call you from any phone. What do you think I am, a birdbrain like you?

Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, it’s against our policy. Suspending someone’s line is A SERIOUS MATTER.

Fine. Against your policy huh? Well, you’ll need to revise your policy then.

I called again and this time another guy answered. He told me his name but I forgot. So we shall call him Mr. Rational. Mr. Rational found out right away it wasn’t my phone. Shit. He knows. I can’t con him now. Damn. However, unlike Birdbrain, Mr. Rational understood the situation and after verifying things with me he suspended the line.

Kudos to Mr. Rational. Mr. Birdbrain, you need to revise your policy. Policies are meant to be broken if you want your customer to remain loyal. You just have to know when you can break them and when you can’t.

I was prepared to give my long, winding speech on how they have created a dissatisfied customer and how the person who listens to the records should REVISE the policies, had Mr. Rational turn out to be another birdbrain.

I got my wish but you know what’s funny? My dad had already suspended it and got a new card in the telco center before he called me. So I actually suspended his new card. Hallelujah.

Now I have to listen to the monotonous voice again.

Moving rubber

What gets into your mind when you see those words?

Anyway, I really like this ad. It's called the Gatsby Moving Rubber. Just found out about its name on Youtube. Don't know what it means though. And those colourful round things. What are they?



Like it! Makes me laugh every time I see it :P

And I love this too.



When there's music, everything becomes fun!

This is painful to write

I’m pushing myself to blog. I was supposed to do it last night but, what a ‘surprise’, I procrastinated. I’ve got nothing much to say, really. It’s like I’ve blogged as many times as I would be allowed to in this lifetime and I just can’t do it anymore. By the way, is it just me, or is everyone getting boring-er by the day?

(Hah! I turned on the modem but didn’t connect to the internet. Stupidity at its peak. Nah. I’ve done sillier things. I just had to say it. Stupidity at its peak)

Anyhow, it’s time I write something. This place is growing mold.

The exams are over but I didn’t get the feeling of extreme happiness :P I’m happy, alright, it’s evident through my face. You’ll see me smiling while I’m walking, sitting, sleeping, almost always when I’m alone. Scary? Haha! That’s why I buried my face in the table yesterday after I finished my last question. So people don’t think I’ve lost my sanity. But the feeling is just not it. Did I grow up? Aw! Adults are boring!

The second last paper didn’t kill me even though it was darn stressful. It gave me pimples. Yay. Not. Now I’ve got the constellation of Aquila with a missing dot to the left of my chin. Although I think it looks more like a scorpion. I don’t understand constellations. They don’t look like whatever they’re supposed to be. Some are missing tails, some are missing legs, some are…you get my point. So I say mine is a scorpion.

My paragraphs aren’t connecting. Hahaha! You know what? I can’t write. Can’t believe I posted this up. Think I’ll go bury my face in the wall now.

Noisy people

Forget yesterday….make the great escape…da da dada…anyway…da da dadada

This song saved me from noisy invigilators. When I found out my seat was the first one, right in front of the invigilators’ tables, I thought, This is it. I’m gonna have to tolerate people talking while I drain my brain to answer questions. Great. And I was right. From the very beginning two invigilators started talking like it was nobody’s business. And they were exactly 1.5 feet right in front of me.

But the song saved me. For some reason, whatever they said didn’t get to me. The words just kept on playing. Forget yesterday…da da dada…It didn’t matter that they had talked for like 30 minutes, loudly. People next to me were shifting uneasily, but me? Forget yesterday…we’ll make the great escape…

They probably didn’t have that song in their head. Well they should at least tell the invigilators to shut it right? Just like last week when another two loud invigilators, and I mean real loud invigilators were talking and laughing, and everyone sheeesssshhh-ed them. That shut them up for good. Why do they have so many things to talk about? Unlike them, right now I can’t think of anything else to say. What else was I going to say? Hmm…that song is still in my head. Why? Why? Whyyy??!

I broke a record yesterday. I didn’t go to crunchyroll for two straight days. That’s a record. Right now, it’s going to be revenge-crunchyroll-video watching.

I can’t write anymore. I’m so boring these days. Help.

…Forget yesterday…da da dada dada

Everything tastes like chicken

I went to a wedding dinner today. One thing good about it is that unlike other weddings, they didn’t play that Elvis song I hate. Instead they had people going up to the stage to sing. Somehow it’s like a trend in their family. When her brother got married they had the same too. Then old drunk uncles would go up to the stage and sing and make funny moves that they’d shoot themselves out of shame if they ever find out.

I wasn’t going to blog about this but something happened and it’s like “Blog!” Wanna know what?

When the appetizers came, my cousin was the first one who took one of the dishes and she said, “Nice chicken.” Then someone said it’s not chicken.

Well, anyway, I didn’t care what she took but the dark coloured gravy dish looks good so I took a piece. And I thought, Hmm nice chicken. But it’s small though. And it’s bony. Well, whatever. Why did someone say it’s not chicken? Oh maybe the brown one is not chicken. So I took the brown one. Hmm. Tastes like chicken too.

“Hey try the frog,” my mom said as she pointed to the first dish I tried.
“Frrr….og???” What the f***! Frog?? But it tastes like chicken! It can’t be. Frogs aren’t supposed to taste nice. Maybe it was the gravy that’s nice. F*** I can’t believe I ate it! I ate its leg! That’s why it’s so god damned bony!

Who the hell serves frog in a wedding!? (by the way, did the title gave it off?)

Hallelujah. Neko graduated from not eating weird stuff. But that doesn’t mean she’s gonna try the duck fetus. Don’t even think about it JC and Arthur.

So that horror made me feel like sharing it with you. I once swore I would never eat a frog, or a dog, or a duck fetus, and anything that’s not a fully grown duck, chicken, or pig. So isn’t it horrifying to be told you just ate a frog? Thank god it wasn’t a dog. I would have exploded there and then.

Enough of that. Here comes the sentimental part. A girl went up to the stage and sang and seeing her made me feel like cutting my hair real short, pack my bags, and sayonara, I’m off to travel across the seas and land. My mom said I was crazy. But really, don’t you ever wish you could leave everything behind and just live a life?

Mr. Scribbles

I lost Mr. Scribbles and I thought I would never see him again. How wrong was I.

Mr. Scribbles is actually a small little black notebook I use to pen down whatever idea that forms in my mind, be it for a blog entry or for a story, before it fades away. I gave him a name just for the purpose of writing this.

Just a few days ago I realized Mr. Scribbles was gone. Scribbles Sr. is still around but Mr. Scribbles wasn’t in his rightful spot on my desk anymore.

He’s been gone for a long time and I was too ignorant to realize that. Maybe because I didn’t find much use of Mr. Scribbles lately as I was too preoccupied with things I’d rather not be occupied with.

Of course the quick thinking me thought about the possibilities of finding Mr. Scribbles at my work place. No, actually, I looked around the house for it till I was about to go crazy. That’s how important Mr. Scribbles is. Then today I went to my work place just to see if Mr. Scribbles is there.

“Did you see a small black notebook?”

“How small? This small?” my boss said as he made a small little ‘o’ with his fingers. “Yea, I saw one. It was a blank notebook right?”

I looked and I found it. My Mr. Scribbles! It not empty but I’m glad he thought it was. I wouldn’t want anyone peeking into my thoughts. Or maybe he already did.

On the side note, I’ve finally thrown away most of my shoe boxes and most of them had shoes inside. All my shoes are gone. I just realized I’m left with one black heel which I’ll never wear anymore (I just don’t have the heart to throw it away) and a platform shoe. So if I don’t want to settle for flat shoes I’ll have to go with the big, chunky platform. I need new shoes. How are the shoes in Philippines? I’m excited haha.

If you read the previous entry, I’m sure you know about me and my drama sickness. I’m starting to watch old dramas again, ones which I can’t quite remember the storylines anymore. I started with episode 1 of Strawberry On the Shortcake last night and my, must I say, it’s good. Ok maybe I’m exaggerating a little here. But still, it’s making me feel inspired. Ahh, the feeling of being inspired. And I’m reserving the final episode of Kamisama Mou Sukoshi Dake for tonight. I have a feeling it’s going to be sad. I’ll have to sleep it off. I hope I can do that.

I know you don’t want to read about this, but who should I to tell if not you, right? Anyway, you won’t have to hear me dwell about it much longer because I’m going to start a drama blog. Hmm…when will that be?

Anyway, welcome back, Mr. Scribbles.

Because the sky is grey

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

Human beings perceive thing differently. And it’s great that we get to see through others’ eyes by mingling with them. I’m usually too ignorant to notice things like this or maybe none are significant enough to be noticed. But there’s one that I remember.

This song has been playing in my head since…well, not long ago. Maybe it’s because I’m happy? Even though the sky is grey? I like grey skies. Anyway, about perceptions. Once, a few friends and I were singing this song and another friend asked, “How can there be sun when the sky is grey?” And I answered, “Well, the sky was grey but then the sun came out so everyone became happy.” I never saw it the way he did. And he most certainly didn’t see it the way I did hahahaha!

So…hmm…yea. The way I see things now is this will be my last post for the week :P I just can’t keep up with all the crunchyroll, and then there’s the exam. *sucks* If you didn’t notice, I haven’t been reading blogs lately too. Sorry guys for not visiting. Google reader is piling up again. I just want the crunchyroll part. It’s so cool. I go there every time I’m online and the range of videos there…! Simply amazing! I’m so higggghhhhh…. Well, I’m off to watch dramas! Adios~

Fatt Choi (prosperity) number

I’ve told you about how I hate people who forward endless nonsensical emails to me and about this friend of mine who does exactly the same thing here before. I’ve been reluctant to tell her to stop because I feel she’s the sensitive type and she’s my friend anyway. But today, after so many years of relatively manageable inbox, I opened my Yahoo and saw 88 new emails.

88 new emails in less than 12 hours. And guess who they’re from? My friend. Let’s see what I got:

Jesus! 76 exact mails! Erghhhhh….*bites teeth*

P.S: The only 2 guys who frequent this place think I should reply to Mr. Email (let’s make his uber uncool, long name short) and the thought of that is kinda exciting. Not that kind of excitement you pervert! But more like what if he’s human and we conduct a psychological test on him (muahahahha) with CY and JC as the testers. In short, we prank him! Then again, this is my email you’re talking about. Replying would just be verifying that my account exists and god knows what I might get the next time I check my mail. 888 new mails?

Damn it. Do you know how long it took me to post this stupid thing? I don't even remember. I tried to upload the images for like 8888 times before it could finally work. Sheesh!

Love letter, sorta

I always get this kind of emails (what I’m going to show you next). I don’t know why I get them and I wonder if any of you gets them. Maybe it’s just me. It’s like how weird people seem to like adding my friend in facebook but nobody tries to add me (which is good) I usually delete without reading but today I thought I’d let it amuse me.

(click to show/hide)

By: my new email address, email just for You and Me

hi how are you?before you emailed me after seing my message... i wrote my profile please read below,lets meet soon!call me on your free day or evening before day you can meet: 090-60549457 and tell me time and place you can meet.i am free evenings or weekend,sometimes in the evening i have 2 hour lesson and can meet before or after it,weekdays afternoons or mornings 100% free weekend is fine too!
My introduction: Hello, Nice to meet you! I would like to tell you about me! I am single white male, light blue, sea color eyes, light short brawn hair, regular body type, some muscles. I like to do sports, going to Gym. I attended Universities of New-York, Toronto, London, Sydney, Paris, Munich by special program, sometimes took 2 majors at the same time. I'm fast learner, I study faster that a class. I have been to 28 countries (North America, Europe, and Asia) and can speak 7 (European and Asian) languages. First I learn culture and try to understand people's heart that's why I can improve my language skills quickly. My hobbies are movies, music, dining out, cafes, sometimes karaoke, traveling, reading books, sports, exploring the city. I wrote 3 books, I can show you. I like healthy food, fruits, salads, ect $B!D (Bmy favorite food is kaiseki-"eyes can eat", French, Italian, I also like sushi-because it's healthy and I can try all kinds of seafood, but I like eating all kinds of foods for good balance and can eat anything. Recently I enjoy traveling to tropical islands, I visited Hawaii, Guam. I want to go to Hawaii again and visit Europe to see museums, architecture and some other countries. 11 to 16 years old attended music collage studying saxophone, clarinet, a bit piano. I played on TV when I was teenager, solo in front of 30 people orchestra. At the same time I went to sport club 2-3 times a week 2 hours each time. I played volleyball for 2.5 years, our team few times won city competitions, wrestling for 3 years-I won 3d place at my city, judo, karate, tennis 6 month, cycling 6 month, judo 6 month and rugby. I can cook, make nice pasta, sandwiches, egg and ham breakfast. I am from good family, my parents, grandparents taught me only good things and to never do bad things, health, honesty, hard work and doing everything for family are most important. I like teaching, all my family is teaches, my mother, father, grandmother, uncle, aunt s. I'm good at taking photos, I have thousands of photos, I can show you, I can see a nice angle from which to take photo to show the beauty and have 1000s of photos, many of then are very surprising. I like places with nice view like coffee shops on lake shore, on top of tower...nice place to relax see nature, its nice for relaxing, seeing beauty and taking photos. I began living separate from my parents since age 17, also began part time work, had my own business since 18 year old, could support myself and also helped my parents to buy house. I'm the only child. I had every kind of pet, fish until age of 17, but now it's hard to keep pets, I wanted to become animal doctor or forester until age of 17. When I was teenager everybody in my neighborhood new that I take care of animals and they always brought injured animals or animals without parents and I took care of them and released them after. I like reading in bookstores, libraries, coffee shops with books, magazines $B!D (Bspending hours there. I like nature, parks, picnics, hot springs. I am non smoker and social drinker. Sometimes I like to take slow food and eat slowly for 1-3 hours like in France talking about many nice topics and enjoying food. I always do everything best way, exactly, on time, clean, wear best brand suit, tie... I like new movies, my favorite romantic movies classics are: Message in the bottle, French Kiss, Titanic, You've got mail, Body Guard. I also like comedies, actions, and suspense. I like recent music, my favorite romantic classic songs: I like many new songs, from old songs I like Celine Dion, Maria Carey, Whitney Huston, Boyz2 Men, Brian Adams, Sting, Bon Jovy, Stivy wonder. I know computer, internet very well. I like to see new gadgets very much! I'm optimist and think future will be bright we just need to study, improve, find our way... If I get in my hands new gadget or something I can already guess how use it even menu is not in English! I exercise everyday, like to learn new things, reading newspapers, watching news, study, experience something new things, improve myself, explore city, go watch movies, restaurants, and coffee/tea shops! I have many important friends who work on TV, inventors, company presidents... Before I was working about 15-16 hours a day, making money and enjoying my career, after I thought for some time about purpose of life and thought its not money-its just number in bank and not career-just giving your time to other people or boss, it is family, child, growing child making him or her happy! I always do my best and do, think the best way about health, body, work, family, everything. I like eating healthy foods, like fish, salads, fruits, herb teas, everything that is good for body and health. I invest in stocks and never lost! Even from my 1st stock market trade I made only 900 dollar, so didn't lose. I day traded for 3 month, but after decided that long term 5 years investments in stable companies a re best. I do stock market, finance in my free time as investment for future, I like to know about everything, what's happening in city, world, popular things, talking to people... My parents, grandparents, all relatives never divorced and live happily together. I saved money for future marriage. My mother is 8 years older than my father and they live like perfect couple, so I think age is not important in relationship.. I think most important is safety in life and next to meet nice female, make family, take care and grow child, make child happy. I think woman is most important for man, happy family so I will do everything to make woman happy! Most important for me is love I hope for you too. THIS IS PRIVATE INFORMATION FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

Is he serious? Do you know how long that shit is? That’s like a thousand words. He could have just said, “I’m your perfect man, and I wouldn’t mind if you’re older than me, I would still marry you and give you all my riches.” The end.

But anyway, since he made so much effort, maybe I would too. Let’s see…ah! He’s got light blue, sea colored eyes…OooHhh I’m so all over him now. But he’s got brawn hair. Hmm…I’m not so sure about that. Wow he went to so many universities…that must mean he’s smarter than me. A little too smart. That’s bad. Bad. *shakes head* What, he’s whole family are teachers? Teachers are boring. What else…you know what? Let’s stop here. Mr. my new email, email just for You and Me, I may not know what your are (maybe an email) or some alien race by looking at your weird name, but how old are you? This is one thing I noticed. They can go on and on about how many strands of hair they have on their back but not their age.

Oh and if you asked me why I replied his previous message, you’re so gonna get the fist (after I tell you how stupidly straight you are)

P.S: Really sorry if you really read through the whole thing and your eyes bleed. I don't buy insurance.

We all have lovely lives, don't we?

Sigh. I live a sad life. Woa that sounds profound. But yea, my life is sad. I’m being forced to do what I don’t want to, hence the word ‘force’ duh. Other than that, I can’t enjoy my snacks because my mom loves to nag. “Why do you have to eat so fast?” she asked, annoyed, while I chomped away the titbits we just bought. It wasn’t the fact that I was driving at that time; she would have said the same thing even if I was eating it at home. “Do you even stop to swallow? You just keep on eating.” And then she showed more of her annoyed face. Arghh! Can you leave me alone? Let me eat in peace!

Now I have one of the snacks next to me and I can’t finish it even when I want to because all hell will break lose tomorrow if I did that.

Welcome to my life.

Yikes!

People I meet often become subjects of spaceparade. I put them through various twisted tests before I throw them back to earth.

While working today (for 12 hours, mind you, I just have to say this coz my leg hurts) I met with 2 similar questions from 2 different people of um…very dissimilar characteristics.

Let’s start with the first encounter. A colleague which I’ve never met (don’t ask why I’ve never met my colleague, we just never, heh) came by to chat and half way through, the question of whether I have a boyfriend cropped up. Then it ultimately led to her asking me, “How about I introduce you to my son?”, twice, to which both times I answered with a smile.

That was a shocker. The question popped up just like pop corns in the microwave, you don’t know when it might pop. Geez, that’s a lot of pop in a sentence. Anyway, I don’t wanna know how her son looks like – he may be cute for all I know – and I don’t wanna know what he does or whatever else about him. I don’t care. Stop freaking my out by asking me that twice! Yuck! God! Uh, I’ll take it as a joke.

Now the second encounter. Another colleague brought her son with her and my, was he a talking machine! He came in and right away he says, “What’s your name? I’m __ and I’m 11 but I talk like I’m 50. Some people even liken me to an obasan.”

-_-"

Then he goes on about other stuffs which eleven year olds don’t talk about, like the prime minister’s use of languages (!), the number of homosexuals in his school and their classifications, tada tada tada, you get the idea. And of course he also threw me with loads of questions like, where do you live? How old is your mother? And all those questionings ultimately led to, again, do you have a boyfriend? Is anyone courting you right now? How bout we have a private conversation? (!!!) #_#”

Eleven year olds today! When I was eleven I was watching cartoon at home. Ok I don’t remember what I did when I was eleven. Do you remember your eleven? God, what did the world turn into? My 3 year old niece scoops out guys on the streets. *shakes head*

It just occurred to me that I’m double his age. And he’s got more girlfriends than I do boyfriends.

So about today? It’s more like I’m the one being subjected to twisted tests. My god. That’s all I can say.

Junction mania

I almost hit another car today. I just don’t understand why people cannot treat the junction outside my house like a junction. You’re supposed to stop at a junction and see if there are any oncoming cars. But they stubborn drivers just don’t. They stop at every other junction but never at the junction near my place.

As I was almost at the junction I had to slow down for Mr. Opportunistic. Upon seeing me come, regardless of whether I was making a turn or going straight at him had he come out, he drove out anyway. Like always I approached quite close to him because he had to take his time making the turn. Fine. I’ll let you pass. But thing is, Mr. Pimple Face behind him is kinda dense. Seeing that I was going straight, he decided to speed out anyway. I don’t know. Maybe he wants to die. Or maybe he wants his parents to buy him a new car.

I had to come to an emergency halt and Mr. Pimple Face-Initial D-Jay Chou-wannabe-with-his-tilted-head could only put on a ‘oops…sorry’ face. Had I hit him he’d be in a sorry state alright. And he’ll just be a pain in my ass. He better remember this junction for the rest of his sorry life.

Then there was this other time when Mr. Impatient & co. honked at me. I don’t know how to explain this. Look at the diagram.

Hello? What the fuck is wrong with you?

This somehow made me link it to the oncoming elections. For 10 years people living here have been complaining about this junction and asking the authorities to put up a sign or just do something about it, but they just turned a deaf ear to us. We do have good patience, don’t we? Give us a good reason why we should elect you, whoever you may be.

Pointless talk time

I have two mobile numbers, one which I got for free and hardly use. I’m only maintaining it because I want to keep the number. I mean, what are the chances that you can get a free number and it happens to be a nice one?

I would reload 10 bucks every 3 months to keep them from canceling the number. Ok this is how the system works for those who are not familiar: You reload (say, 10 bucks which is valid for 7 days) and after that period your account is frozen for 3 months until you reload again. During this time you can receive calls but cannot make any yourself. This cycle has to be repeated every 3 months (or less) if you want to keep your line.

Ok, ok enough with the ‘technical’ stuff. Here comes the gist. The other morning I was rudely awakened by a series of SMSes which if received by some would definitely make their day. It reads something like ‘Get free 12 bucks airtime when you reload at least 10 bucks by…’ and another one reads ‘Stay with us and receive 6 bucks airtime on bla and bla Oct.’ OH! Now I get it! Seriously, I only just understood what it meant while typing this. Now it doesn’t sound as attractive anymore. I was going to make a big deal out of it but…Sigh. The end of the post. I have no more to say.

.

.

.

.

.

Wait…wait…Telco ABC still loves me. They sometimes give me 5 bucks airtime during my 3 month dormant period. And sometimes 3 bucks. And sometimes they reactivate my line. See, I do have something to say. Yay! My friends didn’t get any of these. Yea they didn’t. Yea. Adopt my reload habit. Yea. Yea…Ok bye! *runs off*

Meme: I'm tagged, therefore...

It should be, Meme: Useless questions. But I'm a good cat. I listen to instructions.

I’ve been tagged by Cometh…erm, last month. Heh.

Rules: Repeat subject header “I’M TAGGED, THEREFORE…”Copy + paste these rules in your entry. Complete these 15 totally useless statements & questions. Mention who you were tagged by, followed by 8 people whom you’ll be tagging.

If I was an opposite gender, what would my party clothes be like?

Erm, what has the opposite gender and party clothes to do with each other?

At 10am this morning, I was…

Waiting for my alarm clock to ring.

At 10pm tonight, I will be…

It’s 10:59 now.

Who should be the next Malaysian Prime Minister?

Would it matter?

If my spouse told me to do without sex for a year, I would…

Okay?

If I was a piece of a car, I would be the…

I’ll be the driver. Never the car.

If I was told one day that I would have to give up either 1) anything chocolate OR 2) ever seeing the beach again, for the rest of my life, which one will I give up?

Har? I don’t understand. Skip!

Singapore is good for…

Yea, what is Singapore good for?

If I could only say 3 words before I die, what would those last words be?

Gotcha you asshole!

Who would I like to be left on a deserted island with?

A slave. Nah. A hunk that will be my slave. Nah. A sophisticated hunk that would be the best yakking partner who would also be my slave. Nah. Someone that can get us out of there.

Die by drowning or by fire?

They’re not fashionable so neither!

What one single thing would you buy with your last RM9.95?

I’ll buy RM 99500. You didn’t say I can’t do that.

If I opened a night club, what would I call it?

These really are totally useless questions aren’t they? Spaceparade.

Don’t cheat: what’s “bulbous”?

An arrogant person with his face so bloated you’ll want to squash it like how you'd squash a fly.

I think my ass is…

Fine, thank you. Why do you wanna know?

Tag 8 people? You mean egg people? Who are they? I'm sorry, can't help you there.

Meme: 10 Things I hate

10 Things I hate about you. Hah! Nah. Unfortunately no. I’ve been tagged by Rhey to do this. Not tagging anyone else though.

10 things I hate

Food:

I hate squeamish, squishy, icky food. Yuck.

Fruits:

I don’t usually take fruits. I’m too lazy. Plus I don’t know the names of the fruits I hate.

Veggies:

Contrary to popular belief, Neko-chan who associates herself with cannibals in Chickenmafia actually takes veggie everyday. Veggie I hate? Sure there are plenty. But I don’t know their names.

People:

Stuck ups. Curse you walk three steps and phok kai! That’s Cantonese if you’re asking.

Event/Situation/Incident:

Too many I don’t wish to remember them.

TV shows/movies:

The Hulk or any movie that tries to be like it, a big chunk of Korean dramas (not all, not all)

Music:

Music sung by no brains i.e sexist songs

Household chores:

About time you ask this question. In fact what made me remember I had a meme to do was…Dusts! Anything that involves cleaning off dusts! I hate dusts!

Thing/s around the world:

I live in a coconut shell. I don’t know anything about the world.

Thing/s about myself:

Procrastination.

Are you sure this week is not last week?

I was woken up this morning by an SMS from my boss asking why I didn’t turn up for work yesterday. I was fully alert then – because I slept earlier last night, surprise! – but I couldn’t remember anything about having to work. So I simply replied asking him, “I had work yesterday meh?” He then said he had already told me about it last week. I didn’t believe him and carried on with my day thinking he must have confused things up.

Then I went to work this evening and someone mentioned yesterday’s body fat test. Body-fat-test. Body fat test!!! I was supposed to work yesterday! Oh my fucking god! I wanted to play with the damned body fat machine. I was looking forward to it. What is wrong with me!?

The whole of last week I was telling myself, ‘You have to do blood glucose tests on Saturday and body fat tests on Monday.’ Multiply that by 100. I remembered Saturday but I totally forgot about Monday! Really, it felt as though they were supposed to happen one week ago. I couldn’t believe it was yesterday. Let’s quote a sentence from this Wikipedia page:

“Particularly affected areas may be memory…affected persons may be disoriented in time (not knowing what day of the week, day of the month, month, or even what year it is)…”

Oh no! I have dementia!

You know, the body fat machine can tell you your biological age. I don’t know what I might score from that or how it works (since I farking wasn’t there!) but I can tell you for sure, I’ll score 96 if it was a memory test. Or you know what? The machine might just go up in flames and I’ll make Guinness Book of Records.

I could be older than I thought...oh no!!!

Just to tell you how busy I was, I’m going to show you something I saw after reading a newspaper which I had postponed from reading for more than a month. (and of course I procrastinated after seeing it, only telling you whatever I'm going to tell you now, 5 days later)

For those of you who don’t already know, our little country celebrated its 50^th birthday more than a month ago. I could remember that it was the 50^th not because of the fact that it was splattered all over the newspaper which I had just read last week – that paper happened to be the one on that particular day – but because almost everywhere had 50% sales in conjunction with it. Phew that was a long sentence. I almost suffocated. Sad thing the sales are over. I flipped the pages looking at the colourful ‘50%’ printed everywhere and could only grit my teeth. But that is beside the point. The point is…..

This

Ho ho! Sime Darby, are you sleeping? Whoever did that sure got the axe. I may be a month late in telling you this, but at least I’m not a year in advance. But then again….see this. So…maybe I should go dig up the paper and get you some pics of all those people who said 50^th Merdeka? Well, I guess to be fair, nobody is wrong. The Chinese age is always older by a year right?

New pair of eyes...next week

I finally went to get a new pair of glasses. My power went up!! (Not superhuman power, if you PS2 addicts are asking) Sad. And apparently I have ‘a little’ astigmatism, so she says.

I’ve been wanting to go to that optometrist, I don’t know why. Maybe it was the ample free parking spaces, or the bakery shop with yummy pastries 20 feet from it. I don’t know, it just feels like the right place. So I finally went there today.

I think you know where I’m going to. The fact that I’m writing this is a hint that things weren’t as rosy as it was supposed to be. First of all, the cheap frames were ugly, unlike what they have in their flyer. Hmm. Why did I only think of this now? I should have asked, “Where is the cheap one you have printed in your flyer?” Ok never mind, too late anyway. I went for the more expensive one, going over my budget by 79 bucks. Ouch. Make it a hundred coz deep down inside, my budget is actually lower.

The fact that it’s expensive doesn’t really matter anymore because it’s already a done deal and my budget is down the drain. Let’s talk about attitude. Service. My favourite topic.

The lady wasn’t too keen on chatting with me which makes me feel highly unwelcomed. Ok maybe not highly. Just unwelcomed. -Minus 10 marks- You know, sometimes you dress sloppily (Sloppy by their standards; their “I’m-a-high-class-salesperson” standards) and they look down on you. You go in a shop and they look at you like you’re living in a 50sqft house made of coconut leaves. Well excuse me, perhaps you might wanna call yourself a high-class-wannabe-salesperson-but-unfortunately-JUST-a-sad-lowlife-on- earth salesperson. In short, you’re just a salesperson. No offense to those doing sales. I’m only talking about the arrogant ones. Hey everyone is equal. Except for the arrogant ones.

Anyway back to Ms. Optometrist. She didn’t really answer my questions as well. -Minus 20 marks- Hey, it’s my eyes we’re talking about here, missy. She’s probably too shy or too arrogant. It better not be the latter. My blood boils easily lately. It boils, literally. And I’m craving to give a scold or two, literally craving for it. I was looking for an opening to mock the Citibank staffs today but unfortunately Ms. Fucking Retard wasn’t there. I remember her alright, but that’s another story altogether.

Then when the time came to pay the downpayment, her assistant asked for *calculates* a 53.8% payment. My eyes were about to pop out. People will usually ask how much you wish to pay first. She was pretty blatant, asking for that much. In the end we only paid her 35.8%. Just in case you’re starting to think I’m trying to conceal the price from you, which I’m not, I’m just ‘calculative’ right now, 35.8% is a hundred bucks. You do the math.

Right now I have 5 working days before I go collect my glasses and I’m giving them a chance to impress me. Oo I can’t wait. My mouth is itchy. I need to show some bitchiness. Don’t mess with the bitch.