My dad called to let me know his phone got stolen today. I just woke up then so my thoughts were just as clear as mud, and I didn’t ask if he had called to suspend his line. Since I can’t reach him anymore, I decided to call the telco myself.
“Hello welcome to Telco X. Your current balance is bla bla bla. Kindly reload before bla bla. To change your… please press 1. To….please press 2. To speak to a HUMAN, please press 0,” the machine spoke in a super slow, monotonous voice.
And so I pressed 0. Another machine with a different voice spoke. “To Select the current language, please press 1. WTF? I thought I’ll be speaking to humans?
And so I pressed 1. Again, a machine spoke! To…please press 1. To…please press 2. To report a stolen phone, please press 3.
And so I pressed 3.
“To report a stolen phone, please press 1.” WTF?
So I pressed again, for the hundredth time. The recorded voice continued on and finally I was asked to
A guy who didn’t introduce himself answered. Let’s call him Mr. Birdbrain. I told Mr. Birdbrain what I wanted to do.
Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your line is breaking off.
I walked around the house trying to find a good spot but Mr. Birdbrain still couldn’t hear me clearly.
Mr. Birdbrain: Never mind, just talk louder ok?
Me: I wanna report a stolen phone. The number is bla bla.
And the conversation went on to have him found out that it wasn’t my phone. It took him very long to find that out. Birdbrain.
Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, I cannot suspend his line unless he himself calls me. We just need to confirm his identity card no. and record his voice. Don’t worry, he can call us from any phone, including a public phone.
Record his voice?!?! What’s that, voice signature!? Vomit. You mean record the conversation so the boss knows you didn’t break any rules?
Me: How can I ask him to call you when I myself can’t reach him in the first place? Of course I know he can call you from any phone. What do you think I am, a birdbrain like you?
Mr. Birdbrain: I’m sorry, it’s against our policy. Suspending someone’s line is A SERIOUS MATTER.
Fine. Against your policy huh? Well, you’ll need to revise your policy then.
I called again and this time another guy answered. He told me his name but I forgot. So we shall call him Mr. Rational. Mr. Rational found out right away it wasn’t my phone. Shit. He knows. I can’t con him now. Damn. However, unlike Birdbrain, Mr. Rational understood the situation and after verifying things with me he suspended the line.
Kudos to Mr. Rational. Mr. Birdbrain, you need to revise your policy. Policies are meant to be broken if you want your customer to remain loyal. You just have to know when you can break them and when you can’t.
I was prepared to give my long, winding speech on how they have created a dissatisfied customer and how the person who listens to the records should REVISE the policies, had Mr. Rational turn out to be another birdbrain.
I got my wish but you know what’s funny? My dad had already suspended it and got a new card in the telco center before he called me. So I actually suspended his new card. Hallelujah.
Now I have to listen to the monotonous voice again.