If I picked a question from the Miss Universe box which goes like this:
What’s the one thing you would like to change in your past if you had the chance?
My answer would be “Nothing”. I’m happy with how things are. Or maybe I’m just ignoring the ugly facts and is very successful in forgetting them. But right now, there is something I want to change.
I find it hard to believe that school is going to start. I feel unprepared. Not like there’s anything to prepare, but I just feel like I’m not ready. Suddenly I can feel the pressure of the things I had left undone. The things that were supposed to be done in the holidays. My god, what did I do?! Now I can feel all the tasks staring down at me, making me feel minute, and suffocating me under their enormous weight.
There was a point during the holidays when I wished it (the holiday) could just end because I got so bored I could die and I start to think of really dark thoughts. Scary. Yea. But that desire for the holidays to end faded as sudden as how it had started. And I lived in blissful ignorance forever thinking that I still have 1 month of total freedom. No deadlines. No alarm clocks. No tick-tocks. No-no.
But that is soon to end. And now that I have only a few more days to go, the reality bomb has finally hit me. The blissfulness disappeared substituting itself with some degree of panic. There’s just too much to do! *regretful tone* Sigh.
Should I spend my last days (sounds like I’m gonna die) trying to cut down the weight of the tasks that are burying me beneath it or should I just enjoy? And by enjoy I mean do nothing at all. Like those Christians who believe in Saturdays as days where you don’t do anything at all. You just lie in bed. No TV, no nothing. No exams too. I know someone who didn’t go for the national exam paper because it happened to be on a Saturday. *audience gasps*
Jeesus, I didn’t even do the lying-in-bed-staring-at-the-ceiling thing this holiday. I was always sitting upright – ok maybe not, I was slumping – in front of the computer. Oh no! Tick-tock, tick-tock. What should I do!? I’m not ready! I think I’m gonna have a mental breakdown. Oh shit.
My answer to the question would be I’d like to have more time. Kamisama mou sukoshi dake!