Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Nauseating reads

After 12 hours straight of sleep, 3 hours of games, and 2 1/2 hours of doing I-don’t-really-know-what, I shall now proceed with criticizing blogs. Yes, for the next 30 minutes I shall be a critic. There are only 2 things which I would like to point out, after weeks of reading blogs, being unable to write myself.

One: Links

Some people love to link. They cannot live without links just like you and I cannot live without food.

Scenario 1:
I visit a stranger’s blog. Post no.1 has links. Plenty of them. 4 links and 5 sentences. Let’s have an example here.

Remember Laura? The woman who got herself involved in the scandal? I once said something unpleasant about her here and now whatever I said came true. Read this article. Oh my life is a mess!

In other words: Remember Laura? The woman who if you must know you must read the scandal, my blog entry on 17th October 1998, and the news article.

Feel like reading it still? No? Let’s go to post no.2. Huh? Post no. 2 has more links! Goodness gracious! You know what, we should give this fella another chance. Let’s go to the 3rd post. Yay! Guess what? Come on, guess... Links again? Duh. Forget about getting strangers to read your blog. Friends won’t even read it either. Not even your best bud. It’s worse than doing homework and as if that’s not bad enough you have to make us do more homework and throwing up on it by writing the entire blog with links. Thanks, but no thanks.

There is no Scenario 2. They’re all of the same breed of bastards.

Two: Bombastic words

Some people have fantastic English. It’s a good thing. You don’t want to read a blog by someone who failed their Grade 3 English paper. Trust me. But then, you don’t want to read a blog by someone who got A+ for their Grade 99 English paper too.

Their English makes you feel minute. Infinitesimal. You’re being shrunk so small it hurts. Your eyes hurt. Your head hurts. They hurt because you have to consult the dictionary – which has gained a massive amount of weight due to your diminution – one too many times. After 3 minutes your eyes start to bleed and all you want to do is close the damned page. Close it! Close it! It’s evil!

To those with unusual desire for links and those just a half too clever, you can kiss new readers goodbye unless, unless------- your blog smells of 13 virgins.

I shall now retire from criticizing. If you’d like to drop a bomb, drop it at the critics. Not me, not me, I’m not a critic.


joyfulchicken said...

I don't mind links. I want to hear about Laura and her scandal!

runawaycat said...

Nosy chicken.

gianne said...

Hahah I don't mind the first really! Because I'm a frequent casual bloghopper (read: obsessive) and sometimes I have noooo idea what the hell is going on, so it's nice to have back links abt it. But if macam one paragraph got 5 links, that can get so darn confusing!!

And I agree with you on number 2. They are the kinds who goes (at their 1119 results), "Har? Only A++?." Bombastic english with zero content is annoying. But if it's good instead, it just makes me writhe with jealousy and the feeling of incompetence in my first language (wtf, first language and I'm still not super duper good in it. Saddddd...!).

Btw, just use dictionary.com ;P

runawaycat said...

I guess I'm a full-of-myself patience-less person. If it doesn't entertain ME, humor Me or if it gives ME headaches then it's a bye bye.

So english is your 1st language? So it's safe to say...you're a banana? Heh heh. Not necessarily, I know, I know.

gianne said...

Unfortunately, your guess is correct. I've been wanting to un-banana myself, but then again I've been saying that for the past 3 years, lol