They love Bush

so much that they would come up with this



Honestly, whoever did this has got some creativity up his sleeves. Do they get paid? Coz if they do, they'd be rich.

Fall Fashion

No matter how many times I watch this, I would still laugh my head off.



Thanks to Paolo for embedding it here. I can't help but include it in my nice little archive. Ahh...satisfied.

What flavour are you?

You know I’ve got used to the dollar so much so that the price of everything in ringgit seems small here. It makes me wanna buy. I can’t imagine how it would be like if I came back from UK or something.

Anyway that’s not what I wanna say here. Today’s topic is about condoms. Condoms are interesting blogthings though they sometimes get you into trouble in this highly conservative we-encourage-the-spread-of-aids country. Well it won’t be about vibrating condoms today. Today it will be about flavours.

Don’t ask me why or how but we joined a product training and one of the products happened to be Durex. Out of the wide range of Durex condoms, one had flavour. So my innocent guy friend decided to ask a highly sophisticated question in a highly intelligent manner.

“What are the flavours for? Why did they have to incorporate flavours into condoms?” (Imagine Einstein asking Hawking about the big bang)

My girl friend pretended not to hear his question. Now if you don’t know what the flavours are for, you won’t find this funny and (shame on you!).

She repeated his question to us and we felt like bursting into laughter. A guy asking that question! Doesn’t the other guy sitting next to him know the answer?

Apparently not. Thirsty (or rather, hungry) to know why, that friend of mine (oh where should I hide my face?) raised his hands during the Q&A session.

“What are the flavours in the condoms for?”

*FAINT!!!*

Of course he got his answer in a highly professional manner. No bursts of laughter. Boring.

What I find unbelievable is when we told others about this nobody laughed. Instead we got questions like, “So what are the flavours for?” and “I thought it was so it wouldn’t smell?” -_-“ Citizens of a conservative country indeed. Now, when I meet my high school friends and if they don’t laugh, I’m gonna bang my head against the wall. So please, for my loving head’s sake, laugh.

Soap Land

After watching Love & Pop yesterday, I scrolled down to the comments section. Someone posted a comment in response to the action of the pervert in the movie who used the hand of a girl he paid to work his tool.

If you're wondering, this movie is about high school girls engaging in enjo kosai or compensated dating. The movie was filmed on hand-held digital cameras, which I thought would make it lousy with the shakings and stuff but it turned out okay. And it's got unusual camera works which makes it unique.

So anyway, in the movie this guy who paid this girl to accompany him to the video store grabbed her hand and shoved it in his pants. One person commented, "That hand-rapist shoulda gone to Soap Land or something..."

Funny!!! So funny I almost choked drinking water. I don't know why I find it so funny, but it's like the high point of reading comments haha. I don't understand 100% what he or she is trying to say but there's just this sarcastic tone to it. Neat. I like sarcasm.

Words of the week: Soap Land

Don't pee in your pants

We can hardly find signs like this in Malaysia. But if you do, don't pee in your pants.








Finally...


...which do you think is the female washroom? I think I'll go with the left.

There are more but I'm too lazy.

Stress your head a little

If you don't mind the slowness of Veoh (or maybe it's only slow to me alone) you can try doing this.



Online Videos by Veoh.com

That fella on the left, his face is so funny I smile everytime I think about it. Even when I'm angry.

Funny commercials

Mind a laugh?

404 - You are dumb

Stole this from Chickenmafia. I even stole his title. Yay! It's funny, I thought I'd share it here. And then Paolo left this in the comments. I thought it would never end.

Light joke in the mail

When you can't think of anything to blog about, go to your email and thank those people who endlessly forward shit to you. Sometimes the shit is not so much of a shit after all.

***************

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

****************

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "

LESSON: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
(I'd like to edit that to: Sometimes shit do happen)

****************

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.

To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief

Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly

Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable

Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred

Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body

Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.


MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".........

*****************

Gong Xi Fa Cai YouTube style

I was searching for my favourite CNY commercial; the one where the grandma goes around the house telling everyone to get rid of black things and replace them with red. Still can't find it but I found other uh...funny ones unrelated to this festive season. Anyway...enjoy! And oh, if anyone knows where I can find that commercial I was looking for, do tell.

No money, no honey

There's a show which my mom watches. (Actually she watches almost everything) She told me about this episode of 'On the Road' where they went to Cambodia and this boy who said something really funny.

I found it funnier when my mom told it to me. Maybe now it's not as funny coz I already know. Anyhow, pay attention to what the boy tells Nicholas Tse.

The door knob, the dog, the clouds, they're all stingy!

I was waiting for my turn in the washroom today when two girls, one at the mirror admiring herself and another in the cubicle, were talking. Ms. Vain was so loud, it sounded as if she was asking for a fight.

Ms. Vain: Jack…bla bla bla…Bryan…bla bla…Andy…yada yada yada…something something…so stingy!

Ms. Cubicle: Mmmghm?

Ms. Vain: Sio khi (gets angry easily)

It wasn’t clear because I didn’t really listened to what they were talking about.

Ms. Cubicle: Mghmmhm..ingy?

Ms. Vain: It means sio khi!

Har?? Stingy means sio khi? And she said it so confidently? Hah!

After we left, they were still talking loudly like it was nobody’s business. Well, actually yea, it was nobody’s business.

Anyway, right after we went out I asked my mom, “Did you hear what she said?”

“Yea, she said stingy means sio khi and when her friend said it means kiam siap (stingy) she confidently said it’s not.”

Hahahaha! Delusional girl. Hey, the door knob is stingy too. And the rose is Jesus. Ok ok fine, so I was watching the Christians are delusional* video on Youtube yesterday. I just wanna mention a little about it alright. Just the word delusional. There.

Footnote: *The video is boring besides his funny stresses on the word 'magically' and his funny conclusions.

Genital-ed food?

We were supposed to go for Jollibee but unfortunately it was closed so we ended up in a Chinese restaurant (I think it’s Chinese). I wasn’t too happy with that because it was the third day and I still haven’t tried Jollibee. But good thing we ended up there because...

Check out the menu:

Soup #5 anyone?

And to make things tastier, we saw this in Mall of Asia:

Wanna know how that’s read? I think it’s gonna need another soup #5 to make it even.

Oh and if you're offended, go bury your eyes and your opinions elsewhere. You're not welcomed.

Presidential speechalist

The US president is one of the chickens’ favourite topics in Chickenmafia. Now, I don’t know much about him or his constant unavoidable bloopers but you just got to watch this.

I was almost fooled by it. That blonde guy first appeared so professional he almost got me. Thank god I didn’t go running to joyfulchicken, “It’s a conspiracy! It’s all an act!” Heh. Funny video.

Do they need to bark too?

1:30 AM. First laugh of the day.

I was browsing through suga-shikao.net to look for songs in his albums when I came across this in the 'Information' page.



Upon reading the 'Skills', I gave a slight laugh at the drunk point but when I reached 'Favourite type of woman', I tell you, I just couldn't believe it. Is this his kind of joke? Or maybe he's serious. I don't know, he can like whatever type of women, but how would the woman feel if say he tells her he likes her? Should she take it as a compliment or an insult?

Chit Chap Kor!

If you understand Hokkien/Fukkien, watch this from 2:35 to 3:55. Really funny I laughed hard! Okay maybe it may not be as funny to you. So what? Just watch it. You can ignore the parts before and after that.

Cinderella

I had to make a ‘house’ for the monitor today, to cover it up so others cannot see it (don’t ask me why). I took the largest box from the store room which had just the right size to fit a computer monitor. But I was too stupid to realize it wasn’t deep enough before cutting the box cover off (the part that folds to close the box, if you know what I mean) So, due to my near sightedness, I had to reconnect pieces of the cardboard box which I had cut off.

Work ends at 2pm today but since I was not done with the box yet, I thought I’d stay back and finish it. It was 80% done anyway, I might as well finish it before I go. But the thing is, there’s an auntie that works the same shift as me too, who for some reason has to go back on the dot. She can’t do a little extra and yet too paiseh* to leave alone. As I cut the cardboard sheets…

Auntie: It’s time to go back, leave the rest for K (another colleague).

Me: Never mind, you go first, I want to finish this.

Auntie: *facial expression changes a little* Let me help you stick it together. *grabs scotch tape before I could do anything*

Me: Uh…okay. *puts the pieces together*

She starts sticking the cardboard together with the tape in a rather hasty way. You know, if you don’t stick the tape properly, it’ll create creases, and I hate that! I absolutely hate that! And that was exactly what she was doing in her hastiness. At that point I was starting to get annoyed already. I know you want to go back, so go back! You don’t have to help me finish my work faster so you can go back! So stop rushing me!

There was one more piece for me to cut and stick together but she quickly took one that was left over from the one previously cut.

Auntie: Nah, use this.

I took it and tried to match them.

Me: No, it doesn’t fit. I’ll have to cut another one.

Auntie: *sounding persuasive* It won’t matter la. Just stick it together. It’s OK one. *grabs scotch tape again*

Me: *throws that cardboard away* Never mind, I want to cut another one. I want it to fit nicely.

I tried to say it as nice as possible, as if I wasn’t aware that she was rushing me and that I was getting angry. My annoyance level was reaching its peak and I was trying to not show it. I then took a new cardboard and started cutting it. She stood and watched. Peer pressure! As soon as I was done cutting the thick piece of cardboard, again she tried to grab the scotch tape. But I was faster! HAHAHA! No creases this time!

After sticking it together, a customer came so I left the box for a few seconds to see if my help was needed. K got everything handled so I went back to my box. Where’s my box!? It seems that the auntie had already taken the box and put it over the monitor, and she did it the wrong way round. No! No! No! That’s not how you do it! And I’m not done with the box yet! Worst of all, she had already kept the scissors and tape I used! *annoyance level peaked* How is she so fast?!

I smiled and said nicely that she was putting it the wrong way and I’m not done with it yet and quickly grabbed the box. I continued taping the edges and K came to help as the auntie looked on. As I put the final piece of tape in its place and took it to the monitor, the boss walked past, towards the toilet. Seeing that, the auntie quickly grabbed her bag, bid goodbye, and ran off.

Ahh…My box, all done! The boss came out, and I took my stuffs, ready to go.

Me: Bye everyone!

K: Bye!

Boss: Neko ar, you’re so bad la.

Me: Huh?

Boss: You made her go back late! *starts laughing*

You see, once, this auntie abandoned whatever she was doing just like that exactly on the dot when her shift was over. She just left everything on the table and ran off. So it was funny that she couldn’t go today because the boss was there and I didn’t want to go yet too.

Boss: Next week, we can all put up an act. You stay for an extra hour and I don’t go to the toilet, see what happens!

Oh no! It’s 2 pm! My carriage is turning into a pumpkin! We gotta go~~~!!!

Footnote: *paiseh: the only word I can think of is ‘shy’ which is not right in this context. ‘Paiseh’ here means something like ‘not nice to do something~’, in this sense, it is not nice to leave alone when your colleague who works the same shift as you hasn’t left. If you know the word for it, tell me!!!

Hypermart Hypernews

I went to the hypermarket (the one I went to yesterday) a few days ago with some relatives and my mom. That second time I went there since its opening (it’s a new place) the lady at the counter made some mistakes scanning the stuffs we bought. First she mixed up the stuff my aunt bought with the stuff my mom bought. So she had to cancel those she accidentally scanned but she didn’t cancel all the stuff because later for some reason she scanned one of it again and put it back as if it was not scanned yet. (hope you’re not confused now) So there they are, five of them, my mom, my aunt, the cashier, her superior, and my uncle who was trying to chat them up. Heh. He can’t close his mouth. He’s the chatty, teasing, jocular type. Me? Well, I just stood there and watched the confusion, and taking this picture, of course.

Take a look at the counter. Funny isn’t it? I can’t figure out where the customer is supposed to queue up. The thing that shows the price is facing the right in the picture, so obviously the customer has to be standing on the right. But the proper place where you give your million dollar signature is on the left. So you’ll have to walk around the counter to do that? And why are people from the next counter queuing up in the same place you’re supposed to queue up? That would create a lot of butt grinding, feet crushing, stares zapping, elbows thrusting bunch of angry customers. Really, where’s the sense in this design?

Yesterday, I went there again – you know that already, I got my mouse there – this time only with my mom. We paid at the counter and after that she asked me to check if the cashier accidentally scanned on any of the items twice. I looked, said no, but she didn’t believe me and checked it herself over and over again. Moms. After she experienced the clumsiness of one of the cashiers it’ll forever be etched in her mind that cashiers from that place is inefficient. Or maybe it’s because I looked at the receipt like I don’t care. But I did check, okay!

Let’s rewind the time now, back to when we first got there. When we reached there, mom didn’t carry a handbag so she asked me to keep her handphone which she took out from her pocket. Why? Because she was afraid it’ll explode. Moms! They get paranoid after watching news on TV. Apparently this guy in the news had his phone in his pocket while driving and it exploded, burning his balls.

“Mama, what’s the point of you bringing a phone if I’m the one keeping it? If I want to call you, I’ll be like calling myself.”

She laughed and took the phone back.

And you know, she’ll give lectures – they’re not long because I’ll stop her halfway – when I overcharge my phone or anything.

She’s not going to like it if she reads this. But of course, she doesn’t read my blog. So I’m safe.

More pictures of the hypermarket below! But be patient, we’ll get there. I got bored waiting for my mom while she chose onions so I took pictures. It first started with this guy trying to sweep under our trolley. He sweeps everywhere, every time! He sweeps while people are walking by, he sweeps under the racks, he sweeps the same spot over and over, he sweeps… While I looked at his always moving broom, his mopping friend decided to join in. So there they were, sweeping and mopping frantically. Oh no! Dirt! Sweep! Mop! Get off! That’s my spot! Of course while they fight over the same tiny spot, their happy friend riding the I-don’t-know-what-you-call-it thing came, and he wins! With one sweep over the floor, the dirt was gone for good! He would win no matter what because that thing he’s riding on can spray water and sweep it off, faster than you can say “dirt!”. So it’s like a mop and a broom. Brilliant. He then went circling around small display racks celebrating his victory. I’m not joking. He really did go round and round that small area. Obviously, this was the time I took out my camera. I tried to snap a picture of the happy guy but he was too fast. He disappeared into the crowd, or rather the crowd decided to block my view. That was when I saw that there were suddenly two more additions to the mopping gang! Four of them in that small little area! Is this some kind of a mob mop meeting?

I couldn’t get all four of them in the picture. They’re hidden somewhere behind the annoying photo-hungry crowds.

I won’t rest till I get a picture of happy guy and his little car so I went after him. There! I finally got it!

And there’s another mopping guy here too. They’re like doing the cleaner tango in the picture.

That’s it on today’s hypermart hypernews! There will be no hypermart news anymore. You can thank me by kissing my feet.

Oh did I say that they have cool chairs in the food court? I’d like to steal one someday.

Brooms

...aren't just for sweeping. They can also make excellent tools for fighting, as you can see from the picture below. Got it from Taiwan's Fire Challenge.




First she tries to sweep her mother-in-law out of the house. Next she aims for the sister-in-law. Can't really see the broom though. When I saw that scene I was rolling on the floor laughing. Really, how funny is this? Man, that was the funniest episode I've watched so far. A mother-in-law so superstitious in that she believes wearing blue can't give you children, and a broom fight? A broom fight!

Wonder who planted the broom on the set. Brilliant. Simply brilliant! I hope they plant an axe next. Then we can have a bloody screen. Nice.